


Sakura Drops

by bubblemiyabi



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Romance, Same-Sex Marriage, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:06:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1409329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblemiyabi/pseuds/bubblemiyabi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick contemplates his possibility of retiring, but Yuzuru wants him to stay Is it purely a rivalry, or will it become something more?<br/>At the same time, Yuzuru loves Javier but Javier has a girlfriend. Will Yuzuru be able to move on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to write something about Patrick and Yuzuru's relationship after Sochi and World Championship.  
> Got the name "Sakura Drops" from Hikaru Utada's song of the same title.  
> All comments and suggestions are welcomed!

It’s been a while since the last time Patrick visited Toronto Cricket, Skating and Curling Club, where he skated for a while when he was younger.

Ever since that faithful night in Sochi, everyone has been questioning the possibility of his retirement. Now with the 2014 World Championships finished in Saitama, Japan, everyone seems to be very sure that he’s really retiring because he didn’t have the motivation to even attempt to win a fourth straight world figure skating title.

Everyone but Patrick himself.

Does he still enjoy competing? Does he still enjoy those minutes leading up to stepping on the ice? Is he afraid that he may not enjoy it anymore? There are too many things he really needs to think about, so a bit of down time out of the spotlight is a must --- and maybe some words of advice.

That’s when he decided to pay Brian Orser a visit --- the one man who 100% understood his feeling that night at Iceberg Skating Palace. On the phone, Patrick was talking about meeting Brian for coffee when the coach got another idea.

“Just meet me at the rink.”

Patrick was completely surprised with Brian’s suggestion.

“The rink? You mean the skating club? Is---is it really okay? I mean---is’t Yuzuru there?”  
“Ah, so you don’t want to see him?”

Patrick lets out a small sigh.

“No it’s not like that… I just don’t want people making weird assumption about me visiting his training location, it’s unfair to him too.”  
“Yuzuru will be doing other types of training when you visit, so don’t worry about it. Oh and bring your skates too.”  
“Why?”  
“A couple days ago, Yuna called me and she’s coming to see me on the same day as you. Let’s skate while we talk, perhaps she will have something to share with you too.”

So here he is, skating at Toronto Cricket, Skating and Curling Club after god knows how long and talking with the 1988 Olympic silver medalist and the 2010 gold medalist/2014 silver medalist next to him. When it’s time for Brian to leave this reunion and attend other business, both bid the coach goodbye with tight hugs. 

Although their split wasn’t pretty in public back then, showing the darker side of figure skating and the complex relationship shared among skaters, skaters’ moms and coaches, the newly retired skater comes back four years later by herself to thank Brian for what he’s done for her, and to let go of all the hurtful memories caused during the dispute. 

As for Patrick, he’s more than grateful to have someone like Brian to talk to.

“So, retirement?” Yuna asked, after easily landing a double axel.

After Brian leaves, Yuna and Patrick continue to skate together on the ice.  
Patrick gives a small smile, shrugs.

“I’m not sure at the moment… Perhaps, half-half? What about you? To be honest, I was shocked when I learned that Sochi would be your final competition.”  
“Well, I was thinking about retirement already after Vancouver but my country just needed me to compete in Sochi so badly. Not saying that they forced me into it, but it did play a factor... As for retirement, I just knew it’s time, because I’ve done the best of my ability as a competitive skater.”

“Were you… disappointed? I mean in Sochi.”  
“Honestly, no. I did my best for something that’s not my initial plan, so back-to-back gold or not, I was satisfied with myself.” 

Yuna then gives a loud sigh before continuing.

“I knew my country was super angry, though, and people were signing petition and filing complaint saying Adelina shouldn’t have won. And now they are saying Mao was able to set new world record only because I wasn’t there… I felt sorry for them, really.”  
“What would you suggest me to do then?”  
“Just ask yourself if you’ve done everything in your ability, if there’s a reason you want to compete for, or … whether you’ve shown your biggest rival the best of you.”

 

_Rival…_

 

Patrick turns around to look at Yuna.

“And I assume you answered yes to all those questions.”  
“I have been skating on the same stage as Mao since we were like 15. Maybe because we were so close in age difference, maybe it had something to do with politics and history between Japan and Korea, so the whole world made a big deal out of the ‘Asada-Kim rivalry’… You know, the critics, the bystanders and the media… they all think they know what it’s like to be us, but seriously they know nothing and no one knows better than ourselves.”

The two continue to skate leisurely, talking about random stuffs as Patrick digest Yuna’s words in his head. Yuna glances up just in time to catch a slender figure stepping into the clubhouse.

“Speaking of rival, look who’s here.”

Following the direction of Yuna’s whisper, Patrick sees none other than the new Olympic champion and world champion Yuzuru Hanyu standing there. Yuna skates straight toward Yuzuru, smiling.

“Hello Yuna, I just heard that you guys are visiting today so thought I could drop by to say hi… Am I interrupting?”  
“No not at all, and it’s just about time for me to take off. By the way, congratulations on your world title.” Yuna said, taking the hand that Yuzuru gently held out to help her get off the ice.  
“Thank you very much. Oh, Mao said that you sent her a message right after the World free skate… it meant a lot to her.”

Sitting on the bench and taking off her skates, a smiling Yuna shakes her head. 

“It’s nothing. Maybe now we can finally catch up more, since we’re not ‘rivals’ anymore.” 

Yuna picks up her bag and turns to look at Patrick, who has also approached them on the edge of the rink.

“You should think about what Brian and I said today.”  
“I will, and thanks Yuna.”  
“Great. It’s nice seeing you both today!”

After sending off Queen Yuna, it’s just Patrick and Yuzuru on the rink and this is probably the most awkward moment the two have shared so far. 

They don’t really know each other well. They’ve greeted each other after competitions, posed for photos together on the podium and performed together in gala and exhibitions. They’ve hugged, made small chats and acted friendly either when cameras are rolling and not rolling. But they’re not here today to compete, not here to perform, and just too many things have changed since Sochi.

“Hello Patrick.”

When Patrick is still searching for the right word to say, the shy and smiling Yuzuru is the first to break silence.

“Hi Yuzuru…” Patrick looks down at the skates Yuzuru is holding in his hands. “Do you want to skate?”  
“…You don’t mind me joining you?”

Patrick lets out a small smile.

“Why not? This is your home rink, isn’t it?”

 

\------------------------------

 

It feels a bit weird, Yuzuru admits, skating on the same rink with Patrick. They’ve only skated together on ice during practice sessions and back then, they were in complete competitive mode and didn’t say a word or take a glance at each other. But here they are, skating side-by-side dressed in their casual outfit and making small conversations.

“What did Brian and Yuna say to you? Um… It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me…”

Yuzuru has been contemplating whether he should ask the question, so he’s asking it as careful as possible.

“It’s okay, I just needed some advice… You know, about my future and stuff.”  
“Are you really thinking about retirement?”  
“That’s what people speculate, which is understandable since I didn’t win gold at Sochi when I went in as a world champion, and then I skipped the competition in Saitama… By the way, congratulations, you’re the world champion now.”

Noticing the silence next to him, Patrick turns around to see Yuzuru staring down at the ice while skating.

“Are you okay?”  
“…I…I don’t want you to retire yet.”  
“What?”  
“I want to skate with you!”

Patrick stares at Yuzuru with a dumbstruck face, looking for the right reaction before turning away.

“Well, thank you but it’s my decision and I haven’t made that yet.”

Answered nonchalantly, Patrick wants to end the topic but Yuzuru fails to see that.

“After Sochi, people said I got lucky and I only won because Mr. Plushenko withdrew. Things happen in competition all the time and---”  
“CAN’T YOU JUST DROP IT??? I’VE BEEN SKATING LONGER THAN YOU AND YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THESE STUFFS?? YOU DON’T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME SO QUIT ACTING LIKE A GOOD KNOW-IT-ALL!!”

Yuzuru freezes at Patrick’s outburst, who’s messing his own hair in a clear sign of frustration.

“I---I’m sorry Patrick, I didn’t mean---”

Patrick shakes his head, skating past Yuzuru without looking at the other.

“Just leave me alone, please.”

 

\--------------------------------

 

A few days later.

“You, of all people, shouldn’t have said that to him.”

Javier closes his locker with a sigh and sits down next to Yuzuru, who looks a bit depressed after telling Javier about what happened with Patrick that day.

“Yeah I realized that… But I just couldn’t… He’s such a good skater and respectful competitor.”  
“And he’s also a 3-time world champion who led the Olympic gold medal slip through his fingers when you fell twice in your program.”

Yuzuru looks up at Javier with his eyes widen.

“Javi!!! You know that’s not it!!”  
“Of course I know, but that’s what many people actually think and he’s being mocked for it a lot.”  
“I know how it feels, I’ve had people saying similar stuffs about me so… I just thought …”

Javier scoots closer to Yuzuru, putting a comforting hand on the younger skater’s shoulder.

“I know you were just trying to be helpful Yuzu, but he’s a competitor and a normal person. I know he probably didn’t mean to yell at you, and most likely tried not to act bitter toward you… It’s really the best if you could just stay out of it and give him time.”

Seeing the younger skater lightly nods his head, Javier gives Yuzuru’s shoulder a squeeze before standing up.

“Leaving already?”  
“Yeah, Cortney and I are going somewhere tonight and she should be waiting for me already.”  
“Oh okay, have fun!”  
“Bye Yuzu, see you tomorrow.”

Yuzuru waves Javier goodbye with a signature smile. He keeps that smile on his face until Javier steps out of the locker room, when the sweet smile turns into something more of a bittersweet.

He’s in love with Javier, he’s not sure when did he start to have feeling for his Spanish training partner but it doesn’t matter. Javier has a pretty ice dancer girlfriend who’s same age as Yuzuru and their relationship is only getting stronger.

Therefore, Yuzuru doesn’t plan to let Javier know about his feeling, and he will probably hate to see Javier feeling sorry and trying so hard to make him feel better --- for something they both have no control over. It’s not Javier’s fault that he couldn’t love Yuzuru or dump his girlfriend, and it’s not Yuzuru’s fault that he couldn't control his feeling. He will remain as Javier’s good friend and slowly let go of his feeling. It will probably take lots of time, it will probably take another person, but either way Yuzuru knows it’s the best --- and only --- option he has to stay in Javier’s world.

Letting out a loud sigh, Yuzuru collects his stuffs and gets ready to go home. He sees Brian talking to Patrick down the hallway and he stops, not sure whether he should continue walking or turn around going another direction. 

Just when Yuzuru decides to turn around, Patrick sees Yuzuru over Brian’s shoulder and he runs to catch up with Yuzuru after quickly bidding Brian goodbye.

“Hey! Yuzuru wait up!”  
“Oh! Hi Patrick! I saw you talking with Brian so I didn’t want to…”

Yuzuru knows he probably looks like an idiot right now but tries his best to act normal, and he’s not sure why Patrick even bothers to run after him.  
Comparing to the nervous Yuzuru, Patrick looks a lot more relax.

“I just came to say goodbye and thank him…Oh, and I actually asked him for your number cause I wasn’t sure when I’ll see you again… I want to apologize for what happened the other day.”

Yuzuru blinks twice, before swiftly shaking his head in denial.

“No, no, it’s not your fault! I was being nosy barging into your business without considering your feeling…”  
“But I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I’ve skated longer than you AND ’m also four years older, so that was unprofessional on my part. I’m sorry, I just need to make sure there's no hard feeling before I go back.”  
“Go back… you mean Detroit?”  
“Yeah, my training is starting soon so I need to get back. I’ve decided to compete at least one more season.”

Patrick’s words immediately brighten up Yuzuru’s face.

“That’s great Patrick!!!”  
“Don’t get so excited yet, one season for now and I still have to see how things go.”  
“You’ll be just fine, I’m so happy for you!”  
“Maybe, so you better be ready when we meet next time!”

Yuzuru gives Patrick a tight hug, when he barely initiates this kind of physical contact with anyone besides Javier. They walk out of the building together and the Canadian waves goodbye, with a bright smile on his face.

The next season is going to be great, Yuzuru is so sure of that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friendship, weird dream, and... the secret is out.

Patrick knows that it doesn’t make sense, like many other things in the world that don’t.

In many people’s eyes, for him to become Yuzuru’s friend probably doesn’t make sense. But Patrick really doesn’t give a damn at the moment, because most media and people probably enjoy the drama of two rivals not liking each other more than anything else.

It feels right to befriend Yuzuru. Toronto and Detroit are in the same time zone so their friendship continues to grow despite the physical distance between them.  
They can talk about pretty much everything, and they’ve gotten so close to the point that Yuzuru feels comfortable enough to tell Patrick about his biggest secret.

“I see… so, you and Javier?”

Patrick looks at Yuzuru through Facetime sincerely; his new friend has just confided in him about something that probably no one else in the world knows. 

In fact, Patrick is right because Yuzuru’s closest female friend Kanako is the only other person who knows about it. Yuzuru’s family doesn’t know, and definitely no one at his skating rink, not even Brian.

“Not me and Javier… Just me, he has a skater girlfriend training in Toronto and I’m sure he will never see me that way. You… you’re okay with this, right? I mean…”  
“I don’t have the right to judge you, and I will never do that even if I have the right. We can’t judge others for whom they fall in love with.”

Patrick reassures Yuzuru, who is finally more relaxed and has a little smile on his face.

“Must be hard seeing him every day… Just don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”  
“Thank you, Patrick. ”

Then, here’s something else in Patrick’s mind that doesn’t make sense.

When Yuzuru tells Patrick about his unrequited love for Javier, his facial expression gives Patrick a light hint of pain in his heart. Although not as painful as the time when he broke up with several of his ex girlfriends, at that moment Patrick just wants to hold Yuzuru in his arms and tell the younger boy that everything will be okay.

What’s even more nonsense, is that Yuzuru sometimes appear in his dream. They would be skating together at an ice rink somewhere, mostly skating quietly side by side or talking about random stuffs.

But sometimes, he would reach out to touch Yuzur’s incredibly soft hair and say something that brings out the boy’s signature crescent smile. 

Sometimes, he would catch Yuzuru stealing glances at him before the younger boy turns away with those fine cheeks blushing a light shade of pink. 

Sometimes, his fingers would be loosely intertwined with Yuzuru’s.

And sometimes, he would find himself being drawn toward Yuzuru like gravity and then their lips would be touching.

Every time he wakes up from these dreams, Patrick is shocked but he doesn’t find the dreams to be gross. Yuzuru is a very cute, soft and beautiful person who looks more like a Juliette than a Romeo in his Olympic costume.  
But he doesn’t understand where is this dream coming from, or what does it mean. He’s only had girlfriends before, has always been attracted to girls, and Yuzuru is a boy --- even though he can be as cute as a girl if not cuter.

Days go on the same for Patrick in Detroit, with lots of training, lots of hope for the new season --- as well as lots of thinking about some dreams he has that involve a certain Japanese skater.  
Turning point comes when one is the least expected. One day after practice, Patrick receives a phone call with an unfamiliar international number when Jeremy and other training mates are talking about going for dinner.

“Hello?”  
“…Patrick?”  
“Yuzuru? Is that you?”

Patrick is surprised to hear Yuzuru’s voice on the other side of the phone. They usually call each other at a later time through Facetime on iPad or Skype when they’re both on computers at home.

“Oh sorry… I just dialed without thinking… Didn’t realize it’s international cell phone call…”  
“No it’s fine. Are you okay?”

Putting aside the surprise, Yuzuru’s shaky voice immediately gets Patrick worried because it sounds like the boy has been crying.

“…It’s over.”  
“What? What is it Yuzuru?? What happened??!!”  
“……I kissed him…”

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

When Yuzuru arrives at the rink to check if either Brian or Tracy has arrived before going to the locker room, there’s no one besides Javier who’s sleeping on one of the benches.

Looking down at the peaceful sleeping face of the usually funny Javier, who’s always up for playful jokes, Yuzuru just can’t help smiling and kneeling down next to Javier. It’s been a while since the last time he looks this closely at Javier, because he’s always scared that the closeness will give away the secret that Javier isn’t supposed to know.

Javier has very long eyelashes, and the pair of eyes underneath those eyelashes always manages to pull himself deeper every time. Yuzuru continues staring at Javier’s sleeping face.

 

_Once… just once…_

 

Yuzuru bends down to kiss Javier’s forehead. Despite all his efforts, he can’t bring himself to stop right there. His lips move to the tip of Javier’s nose, before landing on those lips that have only kissed him back in his dream.

 

_Leave… leave… Yuzuru Hanyu you must leave now!!_

 

The warning sign keeps screaming in Yuzuru’s head, but time seems to have stopped when he’s kissing Javier. The serene eternity stops when Javier feels there’s someone hovering extremely close to him, and pushes away whatever is in front of him because, whatever that is, he believes that he’s being kissed.

When he finally sees what’s in front of him. A pair of very familiar eyes and a very familiar face, both now filled with a mixture of shock, fear --- and shame.

“…You…you didn’t…”  
“…I---I’M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
“Yuzuru!!!”

Can’t bear Javier looking at him for one more second, Yuzuru turns and dashes out of the door before the equally shocked Javier has the chance to say anything. 

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

“Yuzuru? What happened to practice?? YUZURU?????”

He knows he’s being an irresponsible student, running away from practice for the first time ever.  
He knows he’s being a bad kid, locking the door of his room without answering his mom.

But he just can’t do it. Not now, not yet.

Still panting from all those running, Yuzuru throws himself onto the bed and hugs his Pooh plushie so tightly as if his whole life depends on it.

Realizing the door is locked, Mrs. Hanyu urgently --- but carefully --- knocks and wants to make sure her son is okay.

“Yuzuru? Are you okay?”  
“…Just let me sleep a little and I’ll be fine Mom…”

Mrs. Hanyu lets out a sigh and walks away. Yuzuru then faintly overhears his mom calling Brian to apologize for his absent without prior notice. Still hugging his Pooh plushie, Yuzuru sobs into his pillow so hard that he begins having trouble breathing. He needs to let out of this emotion, he needs to talk to someone but he can’t call Kanako due to time zone difference.

Then he thinks of Patrick.

“Are you at home??? Stay there okay??? I’ll be right there!!”

_What does he mean? He lives in Michigan…_

Patrick’s “order” doesn’t make sense to Yuzuru, but he does feel a bit calmer after hearing the older skater’s frenetic and worried voice. 

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

Mrs. Hanyu opens the door to find Brian standing outside.

“I’m so sorry Orser sensei, to have you come over at this hour…”  
“It’s okay Yumi. How’s Yuzuru doing?”  
“Just locking himself up in the room, didn’t even come out for dinner…”

Worried, Mrs. Hanyu shakes her head as she leads Brian into the house. They stop as Mrs. Hanyu softly knocks on the door of Yuzuru’s room.

“Yuzuru, Orser sensei is here.”

The door is opened shortly after. Mrs. Hanyu gasps seeing the red and swollen eyes of Yuzuru, who bows to Brian looking very exhausted.

Brian gives Yuzuru a hug before he says anything.

“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“…Yeah…I have something to tell you…. Mom, you too.”

Sitting hopelessly in the sofa, his voice obviously shaking from a mixture of sobbing and heavy breathing, but Yuzuru tells them everything. He then shifts his eyes from the floor to his mother, who’s covering her mouth with a hand.

“…Gomen ne… kaa-san…” (I’m sorry, Mom)

Yuzuru murmurs softly in Japanese before looking down again. Mrs. Hanyu moves over to sit next to Yuzuru and quietly holds her son tightly. 

“Yuzuru…”  
“Yes, Brian?”

Deep in thought, Brian watches Yuzuru closely.

“I’ll let you take a day off tomorrow. Take the time to rest, relax and calm yourself before returning to the ice, can you do that?”

Yuzuru nods.

“Yes I will… I’m sorry, Brian.”

Giving Yuzuru a warm smile, Brian moves in to give Yuzuru a comforting hug.

“Oh… and about Javier…”

As Yuzuru walks Brian to the door, Brian can feel Yuzuru’s body tensed up with a single mention of Javier’s name. But he keeps his hand on Yuzuru’s shoulder and continues to speak.

“He couldn’t keep his entire focus today, kept checking at the door and the time… I could tell he’s very worried about you.”

Giving the quiet Yuzuru manly pats on the shoulder, Brian opens the door and sees a surprising visitor getting out of the car on the driveway outside Yuzuru's house. Completely in shock, Yuzuru stares at Patrick with his eyes wide open.

“Patrick!! What are you doing here?????”  
“What? I told you I’d come over, didn’t I?”

Patrick answers while giving small and polite bow to Mrs. Hanyu who’s standing behind Yuzuru.  
When Yuzuru is still searching for words to say, Brian cuts in wanting to make sense of this craziness.

“Patrick, how did you get here?”  
"I drove from my cousin's house, the car is my cousin's."  
"No I mean before that."  
“Oh I flew in from Michigan."  
“And you… may I ask if you…”

Looking straight into Brian’s eyes, Patrick knows exactly what the coach is talking about.

“Yeah, I knew about it. Yuzuru told me a while back.”

Brian blinks in amusement, and looks back and forth between Yuzuru and Patrick.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With more focus on Yuzuru and Javier~

Not wanting Patrick to drive back and forth after all those fatigues from training and commuting, Mrs. Hanyu insists to have Patrick spend the night at their house. Leaving the two alone, Mrs. Hanyu also knows what Yuzuru needs the most right now: a friend.

Meanwhile, Yuzuru digs through his drawer to find something for Patrick to wear as pajamas.

“You’re crazy… I can’t believe you actually hop onto a plane for this.”  
“Well, a certain crybaby was sounding extremely emo so I just wanted to make sure.”

Patrick laughs and catches the pair of sweatpants Yuzuru has just thrown at his face. He’s relieved to see that Yuzuru’s face has brighten up a little, because that pair of red and pluffy eyes from earlier is just painful to look at.

“…I’m glad I made the decision to check for myself though, to see that you’re really okay.”  
“…Thank you… really.”

Turning his face to Yuzuru who’s now sitting next to him on the bedside, Patrick gently pulls Yuzuru into himself and feels the younger boy’s body relaxes in his embrace.

“Your mom seems okay with it.”  
“Maybe… or she probably just didn’t want to push me at the moment. Who knows what’s gonna happen?”  
“It will be okay… A word of advice from someone who probably has a bit more experience than you: Just take your time, don’t think about it too much and it will be gone before you know it.”

It’s getting late and they’re both tired. As Patrick settles himself into the bed prepared by Mrs. Hanyu on the floor of Yuzuru’s room after turning off the light, he looks to Yuzuru who’s holding a Pooh plushie underneath his blanket.

“Do you want to go out tomorrow? Since you have a day off and I have a car, we can hang around Toronto before my flight back to Detroit.”

Yuzuru thinks to himself, maybe he needs to do some other things that help taking his mind off Javier just for a little bit.

“Yeah sure. But I don’t know lots of places…”  
“Did you forget I’m a native Canadian?”  
“Oops my bad ^_^ Goodnight Patrick.”  
“Goodnight Yuzuru, sleep tight.”

The rest of the night is quiet and peaceful. Yuzuru is supposed to fall asleep right away after everything that has happened and the amount of energy he has spent on crying, but he finds himself turns facing Patrick and listening to Patrick’s steady breathing. 

He has seen Patrick’s face many times on computer screen and on iPad, and this is only the second time he has seen the Canadian skater in person since their previous meeting at the rink here in Toronto. Before Patrick's arrival, he doesn’t even know how much of a friend does Patrick consider him to be. Patrick has taken the time to fly out to Toronto for him, and given him nothing but enormous amount of love and support at a emotionally difficult time of self searching.

Most importantly, Patrick makes him feel that everything will be okay.

“Arigatou… Patoriku-kun…”

Softly whispers ‘Thank you’ and Patrick’s name in Japanese, Yuzuru drifts off to sleep.

 

\---------------------------

 

Javier isn’t sure how many times he has checked his cell phone for messages or miss calls.

“Um, Brian… Yuzuru isn’t here yet, should we wait a little bit?”  
“He’s taking a day off today, should be back tomorrow.”

Brian answers Javier’s question with a light smile, before starting another day of training without Yuzuru at the rink.

The past two days have been terrible for Javier. He’s been feeling like crap but not exactly because a guy kissed him. He was in a state of shock and disbelieve for about two or three seconds, the feeling of Yuzuru’s lips was so real and it did take him a while to take in the fact. When Yuzuru didn’t show up for practice after the incident and then missed another day of training, it finally sank in for Javier that there’s more to Yuzuru’s feeling for him than being friends and training mates.

He wonders how long has Yuzuru been feeling this way and hiding his secret.  
He wonders how does Yuzuru feel when Cortney is around, when he talks about Cortney.  
He wonders what goes through Yuzuru’s mind that day when Yuzuru waves him goodbye before his date with Cortney.

He wants to hear Yuzuru’s voice, he wants to send Yuzuru a message and asks if he’s okay, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. Because he doesn’t know what to say.

There’s nothing he can do to make Yuzuru feels truly better, and he also knows that he most likely has been making things a lot more difficult for Yuzuru than they already are.

Javier walks into the rink with a loud and long sigh, and looks up only to see Yuzuru doing his warm-up. Taking a deep breath, he carefully and slowly skates toward Yuzuru after the younger skater lands a jump and softly calls out.

“Hey…”  
“Oh, hi…”

Even their first meeting in 2012 wasn’t this awkward.

“Um…” “Um…”

This brings out a small chuckle from both of them, finally breaking the dead silence.

“Are you okay? You didn’t come to practice for two days…”  
“I’m fine… Listen Javier, about the other day…”

Javier finds himself holding the breath, looking at Yuzuru who is also nervously playing with his fingers.

“…I’m sorry…It won’t happen again, I promise.”

 

_“…I---I’M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

For a moment there, Yuzuru’s soft voice overlaps with the panicking voice from the other day, and all the emotions in Yuzuru’s eyes that day come right back into Javier’s head --- vividly.

Javier lets out his breathing, shakes his head while smiling at Yuzuru.

“Don’t worry about it. I… I know there’s nothing I can do to really makes you feel better, but I just want you to know that you are very important to me, and I won’t give away our friendship no matter what happens.”

There’s finally a smile on Yuzuru’s face now. Although there’s a significant space between them, and it will most likely take a while for things to gradually go back to where they were before, Javier feels relieved at the moment. 

The only thing he can do right now, is to carefully stay by Yuzuru’s side and watch out for a friend who’s very dear to his heart.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Javier and Yuzuru continue carry on with their training and preparation for the new season. They still talk (although just small talks and no serious conversation), they still skate together, everything seems to be normal but Javier knows that’s far from the truth.

The distance.

Javier can always feel an invisible wall surrounding Yuzuru, like that one time when he casually put his hand on Yuzuru’s shoulder making the other’s body all tense. Yuzuru has been drawing away, and he has stopped initiating physical contacts --- going back to the time when he first arrived in Toronto to train, when his personal space boundaries were large.

Javier understands that Yuzuru needs time and space --- especially when it’s inevitable as they are training partners --- but he also can’t help feeling a bit sad by the fact that they can’t get along the way they used to. He hasn’t had quality time chatting with Yuzuru in a while, and he hasn’t heard anything about what’s been going on in Yuzuru’s life.

And he misses that.

“Yuzu! Wait!”

Walking down the hallway on his way to the entrance, Yuzuru turns around the see Javier running after him.

“Yes?”

Yuzuru stops, waiting for Javier to catch up and then they walk together.

“Are you going home now?”  
“Yeah, I need to help my mom with some house chores.”  
“I’ll give you a ride home.”  
“But your house is on the other direction.”  
“It doesn’t matter when you have a car. I’ll drive you home.”

Deep inside Javier’s mind, though, giving Yuzuru a ride home is just an excuse for him to steal at least some additional alone time with Yuzuru.

Hearing the authoritative tone of Javier, the Japanese boy knows that he can’t say no this time.

“Fine… You’re so headstrong sometimes.”

Javier gives a small laugh in response. They continue walking toward the entrance when a girl’s voice breaks their conversation, making Javier and Yuzuru turn heads.

“Javi!!”  
“Cortney what are you doing here?”  
“Oh god, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about it. We still have to shop for my mom’s birthday present, and you’re coming to her birthday party tomorrow remember?”

While standing there, Javier curses to himself. Okay so it’s his fault that he has completely forgotten about the promise he made with Cortney, but why? Why now?? Why this has to happen with Yuzuru standing right next to him???

Cortney pouts at her boyfriend before turning to Yuzuru with a smile.

“Hi Yuzuru! Haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?”  
“I’m good and I shall apologize for my friend. He didn’t forget about it, he’s just playing with you, right Javier?”

Yuzuru smiles at Javier, who responds with a much weaker smile.

“Yeah, you’re right…”  
“I need to go home now, bye guys! It’s good seeing you Cortney.”  
“Bye Yuzuru!!”

After a while, Yuzuru turns around to see the backs of Javier and Cortney. They walk toward Javier’s car, Cortney walks next to Javier with her hands around Javier’s arm, and they look perfect.

Yuzuru sighs before turning back and continue walking. It no longer hurts like a stab in the stomach, but it still hurts a little to see what a perfect couple these two make. He needs to be happy for his friend, so he just has to deal with it.

 

\------------------------

 

Driving his car, Javier just keeps his eyes on the road and not really paying attention to what Cortney has been saying.

“Hey look! It’s Yuzuru!”

When Cortney calls out Yuzuru’s name when they wait for red light to turn green, Javier immediately shifts his eyes and sees the Japanese skater walking to the metro station.

“…Is he okay?”  
“Huh? Why do you ask that?”

Cortney shrugs, tearing her eyes away from Yuzuru’s direction.

“I don’t know, just he looks different from the last time I saw him… Like, a bit down.”

Javier stares at Cortney, thinking: Girls and their sixth sense… crazy.

“…Cortney?”  
“Yeah?”  
“…I probably can’t have you come visit me at the rink for a while.”  
“What? Why???????”

Cortney’s reaction doesn’t come as a surprise for Javier, because why can’t a girl visit her boyfriend at the rink?

“I will visit you elsewhere but just not at the rink where I train…It’s about Yuzuru.”

Not expecting to hear Yuzuru’s name in this conversation, Cortney is totally confused.

“Why? Why is he involved? Did something happen to him?”  
“I’ll tell you later… I promise.”

 

\---------------------------

 

That night, Patrick calls Yuzuru on Facetime and notices the younger boy has that look again on his little face.

“What happened?”

Yuzuru lets out a small smile, Patrick really knows him well.

“…Today after practice, Javier insisted on driving me home and then his girlfriend showed up. He forgot about a shopping plan they agreed on so… you know how the rest would go.”  
“Are you okay though?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been doing pretty well with the whole ‘letting go’ stuff, just today was kind of a surprise… I haven’t seen his girlfriend in a while.”

Not convinced, Patrick frowns a little bit before shifting his eyes to the calendar on his wall.

“What’s your plan this weekend?”  
“Nothing particular so far. Why?”  
“Do you want to come to Detroit?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the encouraging words :)

Yuzuru walks a bit nervously behind Patrick when a waiter leads them toward a VIP box at a Michigan restaurant.

“Patrick… are you sure? I’ve never really talked to them…”  
“Don’t worry they’re my friends! And they’re excited to see you, come here.”

Patrick smiles, grabbing Yuzuru’s wrist behind him as they turn around the corner and being greeted by Patrick’s American training mate Jeremy and the Canadian ice dancers Tessa and Scott, who also train in Michigan. After the three happily wave at Yuzuru, Yuzuru quickly bow in return and the three quickly stand up telling him to please stop being so polite, finally everyone gets seated and starts talking about what to eat.

Thanks to Patrick being a responsible middle person, and the other threes’ easy-going personality, Yuzuru gradually eases into the atmosphere and enjoys chatting in English with fellow skaters he didn’t have chance to interact with because they were either competitors of the same category or simply representing different countries.

Not wanting to interrupt other people’s conversation, Yuzuru whispers softly to Patrick about going to the restroom and Patrick nods. After Yuzuru steps out of the room for a while, Patrick sees Tessa giving him a mischievous smile like she’s up to something.

“Tessa, why are you smiling like that?”  
“Just need you to fill us in, that’s all~ Like, why did you invite him?”

Patrick frowns, getting slightly defensive.

“What? You guys don’t like him?”

Scott shakes his head.

“No, we like him. He’s really nice, very genuine, but why all of a sudden? I’ve never seen you guys talking besides medal ceremonies. Then after Sochi and everything, you guys are now BFF who can do sleepovers?”

“Not to mention he just gave you a call and you flew straight to Toronto for him.”

Jeremy added, still chewing on his food.  
Tessa, who’s seating next to Patrick, scoots closer with her eyes sparkling.

“Come on~~ tell us! I mean something must have happened for two biggest rivals to become best friends, I can see there’s something in your eyes.”  
“Gosh can we please not talk about it now??? ”

Patrick desperately wants to end the conversation before Yuzuru comes back. Tessa pouts, pulling herself back into her seat feeling far from satisfied.

“Fine, but you better spit it out soon.”

Shortly after Yuzuru returns and the rest of the dinner is great, lots of laughs are shared and many photos are taken. 

After dinner, they all go their separate ways and Yuzuru and Patrick go back to the Canadian skater’s apartment in Detroit. Patrick’s phone starts to ring when Yuzuru goes to shower, he picks it up and see Scott’s name.

“Hello?”  
“Hey, is Yuzuru around?”  
“No he’s in shower, why?”

Patrick glances at the closed door of the shower room before heading to the living room with his phone.

“Just wants to talk to you a bit… Sorry about Tessa earlier, she didn’t mean to rub it in your face.”  
“Oh no I wasn’t mad or anything, just… I didn’t know she’s into gossiping and imagining stuffs.”

Scott lets out a light chuckle on the other side of the phone.

“You know how girls are, but this time I don’t think she’s exactly imagining stuffs though.”  
“What are you---”  
“Come on Patrick, I’m a guy and I know you. The look you give that boy… it’s just not the same as how you would look at a regular guy friend. Now, we know you’ve always liked girls, so that’s why Tessa was all curious about it.”

Silence first, and then a long sigh on the other end. Scott has a feeling that Tessa’s instinct may be right.

“…I don’t think I’m ready yet.”  
“Because he’s a guy?”  
“I don't really care about that but… Well, he’s still in the process, trying to completely let go of someone who already has a girlfriend… You know I just don’t want to take advantage of him like that…”  
“Hmm I see what you mean, you want him to feel the same way.”  
“Probably… Hey Scott, I think he’s getting out soon so---”  
“Okay, we’ll talk more next time. Good luck loverboy.”  
“Argh! Bye.”

 

\---------------------------

 

Sitting on Patrick’s bed with blanket covering his legs, Yuzuru looks at Patrick who’s taking a pillow and an extra blanket.

“Where are you going?”  
“Living room of course, I’m taking the couch tonight.”  
“What?! No don’t do that, I’ll take the couch instead!”

Yuzuru speaks while getting up but Patrick quickly stops him, pressing down Yuzuru’s small shoulder.

“You’re a guest, you should sleep in the bed.”  
“But you were a guest at my house last time but you took the floor!!!”

Patrick looks at Yuzuru’s defiant face, feeling slightly defeated. When Patrick is still searching for reason to keep Yuzuru in the bed so he can go to the living room, Yuzuru has an idea.

“Then why don’t you sleep in the bed too? Your bed is big enough for two people.”

When he sees Patrick’s face, though, Yuzuru suddenly has second thought as soon as he blurts out the idea, thinking Patrick most likely doesn’t like it.

“…You probably don’t like the idea of two guys sleeping together right? I’m sorry.”  
“Huh?? Oh! No it’s not like that… Um, if you’re okay with it then yeah I’m cool.”

Seeing how Yuzuru’s face brightens with a sign of relief, and how the younger skater snuggles back into the blanket with a smile on his face, Patrick wonders if he can really fall asleep tonight as he turns off the light.

“Goodnight Patrick~”

And Patrick is going to blame Scott for this. Because after his conversation with Scott, he actually thinks Yuzuru’s voice is sweeter than before.

“Goodnight Yuzuru.”

Patrick glances to Yuzuru, who’s sleeping peacefully next to him wearing a V-neck, long-sleeve t-shirt. The moonlight coming through the very top window of Patrick’s room just happens to softly land on Yuzuru’s body, and Patrick can’t help noticing the perfect curve connecting Yuzuru’s jaw line and collarbone.

Patrick knows the younger boy is most likely clueless about all of these, like what is currently going through Patrick’s mind at the moment.

But, he can wait, until the time is right.

 

\---------------------------

 

After several failing attempts of trying to sleep, Javier sitting in his bed, with his back against the headboard and Cortney sleeping next to him. 

Javier told Cortney everything that has happened between him and Yuzuru. Cortney understands how he feels about not wanting to lose Yuzuru as a friend, and she understands an awkward and estranged relationship with a training partner isn’t good for her boyfriend. She agrees to Javier’s request about not visiting him at the rink, and Javier thanks god for her understanding and thoughtfulness.

He grabs his cell phone, randomly going through Twitter and Instagram pages of fellow skaters to see what everyone’s up to and if there’s anything interesting. 

And then something on Jeremy’s Twitter catches his attention. 

It’s a photo of Jeremy himself, Tessa, Scott, Patrick and Yuzuru with words that read: “The champion comes for a visit!”

Everyone is smiling and Yuzuru looks very happy. On Yuzuru’s shoulder is Patrick’s hand, their bodies touching side by side.

It is probably the biggest smile Javier has seen on Yuzuru’s face in a long time, and the very first time he finds out about Yuzuru spending the weekend in U.S.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

“Hey Yuzu.”  
“Hm?”  
“…When did you become friends with Patrick Chan?”

Javier finally breaks his curiosity to Yuzuru after practice. He doesn’t get it, although Yuzuru and Patrick didn’t hate each other, the “friendliness” between them was really more of politeness than anything. He still remembers how depress Yuzuru looked when he unintentionally pissed off Patrick, so where did the sudden shift comes from?

“Oh we just apologized to each other and he told me that he’ll compete this upcoming season. We made up right there and becamse friends.”  
“I see…”

Yuzuru notices Javier is obviously much more quiet today.

“Javier you okay?”

Javier shrugs.

“…I just have a feeling that you probably don’t see me as your close friend anymore. I mean… I didn’t know you were in Michigan over the weekend until I saw the photo on Jeremy’s Twitter, I didn’t even know you and Patrick are friends.”

Quickly moves over to Javier’s side after closing his locker, Yuzuru looks at Javier with his eyes widen.

“That’s not true Jarvier!! And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about the trip and Patrick…”

Yuzuru’s apology causes Javier to sigh and curse silently to himself. 

 

 _Why am I saying these stuffs to him this way?_

 

He smiles at Yuzuru, patting his soft hair and is happy to see that the younger boy doesn’t tense up his body like before.

“No need to say sorry, I just hope that the past won’t keep me away from being your friend… Hey, are you free tomorrow?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Do you want to go somewhere? Just us… I mean, we haven’t hung out in a while.”

Yuzuru smiles back. He admits that he has been keeping distance with Javier, he feels bad about making Javier feels like not being let in and he misses having a fun time with his friend.

“Sure.”  
“Awesome, I’ll think of something later today and text you the details.”

 

\-------------------------------------

 

After parking his car on the driveway, Patrick gets out of the car and walks to the door looking as comfortable as if he’s going back to his own home. 

“Patrick! It’s so good to see you~”

Mrs. Hanyu, who sees Patrick getting out of the car before he even rings the doorbell, opens the door and open her arms to give Patrick a tight hug.

“I’m happy to see you too Yumi ^_^ Sorry that I keep coming to interrupt your home, I brought you something.”  
“And you always bring me nice stuffs. What is it this time?”

Breaking the hug, Mrs. Hanyu looks into the bag Patrick hands to her.

“Just some homemade stuffs from my mom, I flew from Colorado today.”  
“Oh please thank your mother for me, and don’t say you’re interrupting my home. Because you’re not, and you’re always welcomed, okay?”

Mrs. Hanyu walks Patrick into the house with her hand on his back. 

Patrick has been visiting Yuzuru’s home about once or twice a month, and Mrs. Hanyu has grown to like her son’s Canadian rival a lot. She has seen how happy Yuzuru looks every time Patrick visits, and Yuzuru has been flying to Detroit at a similar pace. Sometime she can’t help wondering the possibility of something more than friendship between these two --- since Yuzuru had romantic feeling for Javier --- but she decides not to push Yuzuru for an answer just yet. 

Maybe they like each other as friends, maybe they like each other more than friends. Seeing how dedicated Patrick is to Yuzuru, Mrs. Hanyu thinks she can accept it either way.

As for Patrick, today is the day.

They are in Yuzuru’s room and Patrick has his heart racing like crazy. He nervously brings up the subject and carefully pops the question to the person sitting right next to him, the person who has stayed in his heart for the past months, the person who’s now speechless with his mouth slightly opened and his eyes widen.

 

“…So that’s what I’ve been feeling over the past months and that’s why I’m here now… You don’t need to answer me right away, but I hope you can at least think about it… If you would like to become my boyfriend.”


	5. Chapter 5

“HE WHAT?!”

Javier’s voice echoes the entire rink, in which he and Yuzuru are sitting on the bench and there are few people throwing curious glances at them.

Wanting to make sure he doesn’t have hearing problem, Javier just has to double check with his Japanese friend. 

“Please don’t shout Javier!”  
“But, but--- You just told me a while ago that you guys are friends!”  
“I---I didn’t see this coming either...”  
“Well, what are you gonna do then?”

Yuzuru looks down to his feet quietly, playing with his fingers.

“…I’m not sure if my feeling is 100% the same as his but…I think I’ll say yes to him, probably tonight.”

Again, Javier is caught completely off guard as he stares at his friend in shock.

“Why??!!! You don’t even know whether you like him that way or not!”  
“But I need a start, Javier.”

Yuzuru’s voice is very soft, but it hits Javier hard --- and awkwardly.

Javier knows very well that Yuzuru needs someone as a start to move on, and that he is the last person in the world to have the right to prevent Yuzuru from doing that.

“…Are you really sure about this?”

Javier asks after letting out a sigh, full of worries.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Patrick is a nice person.”

Despite Yuzuru’s reassuring smile, Javier is still worried.

And confused.

Is he feeling uncomfortable about Yuzuru getting into a relationship when Yuzuru is not 100% sure of his own feeling?  
Or is he feeling uncomfortable about Yuzuru going into another guy’s arms?

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

Skaters from around the world gather in Chicago for the season’s first senior competition: Skate America.

And here, Patrick shows to the world that despite letting the Olympic gold medal slips away as a 3-time world champion, despite all the speculation about possible retirement, he’s not leaving just yet and he’s starting the new season with a gold.

Standing on the podium with Yuzuru, who is only 1 point behind Patrick because he made a mistake in his free skate program and ended with silver, Patrick has to try very hard not to pull Yuzuru in for a kiss right there. They are only a little less than two months into their newly blossomed relationship and more importantly, they are facing with countless members of the media and fans from around the world.

Even though they have to hide their affect toward each other, Patrick feels like he needs to give Yuzuru credit during an interview with Canadian press backstage.

“I was considering retirement during the off-season, but Yuzuru encouraged me to stay. I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard from fellow competitor, so I need to show my best in return out of my respect for him.”

Of course, the media is surprised but he needs to let people know the main reason for him being here. He also expects Tessa to tease him so much for it, like what she’s doing right now when she and Scott come to congratulate Patrick at the end of hallway after men’s event.

“Oh my god~~~~ Aren’t you guys cute!!”  
“Tessa!”

Patrick hissed at Tessa, who also earns a little nudge from Scott on the side telling her to be quiet about it. Besides the very few number of people who know about it, the new relationship status of Patrick and Yuzuru is a total secret to the world.

“Oh take it easy, no one will sense anything.”

Patrick shakes his head lightly in response to Tessa.

Yuzuru grew up in a country with very different culture and values. None of Yuzuru’s Japanese friends know about it and for what Patrick knows about the Japanese media and culture: Public figures, especially athletes, are very, very low-key and cautious about privacy, and people have certain “expectation” for how these public figures should be like.

Patrick knows that they can’t hide it forever and he will eventually wants the world to know who is his significant other, but in the meantime he just needs to be careful for both of their best interest. They’re still skating competitively, and Yuzuru is four years younger than him which means Yuzuru still has a long way to go in his strong career. 

“Hey guys!”

Scott and Tessa turn around to see a smiling Kevin walking up to them.

“Oh hey Kevin! Where have you been? You just disappeared.”  
“I was chatting with Tatsuki and I saw Nobunari visiting so I ended up staying longer.”

Taking one of his hands out of his jacket, Kevin hands a carefully folded piece of paper to Patrick.  
A bit puzzled, Patrick opens up the paper and only to see an all too familiar handwriting.

 

_Just to let you know that I’ll be having dinner with other Japanese skaters tonight. I haven’t seen these friends in a long time so hopefully you can understand. I will let you know when I’m done and we can meet at my hotel room, I really want to congratulate you in person so please come. I already told my mom to leave us alone tonight ^_^_

_Yuzu_

 

“I told him that it’s okay for me to bring him here, but...”

Patrick smiles at Kevin while shaking his head.

“No, this is better. Thanks a lot, Kevin.”  
“Thought so, he looked a bit uncomfortable with the idea so I didn’t push it.”

After carefully putting Yuzuru’s note into his pocket, Patrick gets up and ready to leave the stadium when a voice calls his name and makes him stop on his track.

It’s none other than Javier.

“Hey.”  
“Hello Javier.”  
“Do you have time? I would like to talk to you.”

Even though they have rarely spoken to each other, Patrick notices how serious Javier looks.

“Sure.”

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Talking and laughing with his Japanese skater friends always make Yuzuru remember just how much he misses his country, his language and his friends. They are having dinner at a private VIP box and talking about random things when the newly retired Akiko, who also joins for dinner along with another retired skater Nobunari, suddenly turns facing Yuzuru.

“Ne ne, Yuzuru-kun do you have a girlfriend now?”

Akiko’s sudden question catches Yuzuru off guard, making him choke on his food.

“*cough cough* What makes you think that?”  
“I was sitting in the audience and… I don’t know… just you looked different in your program…”

Nobunari cuts in when Akiko is still searching for the right word.

“…Like, more emotional?”  
“Yes! That’s the word, thank you Nobu-kun.”

Yuzuru feels like digging a hole in the floor right now.

“Is it about that person you---”  
“Kanako!”

Yuzuru hushes at Kanako, whose whisper is definitely not helping as Daisuke and Tatsuki are also becoming very interested in the subject of Yuzuru’s possible romance.

“Wait wait, is Kanako-chan the only one who knows something and we don’t???”  
“We didn’t get to watch your program closely so please do tell us.”

Not expecting to get this kind of attention from his friends at this moment on this subject, Yuzuru doesn’t know how to react and his troubled face is making Akiko a little guilty.

“Okay let’s stop teasing him. I’m so sorry Yuzuru-kun, didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Smiling apologetically, Akiko gives Yuzuru’s shoulder several comforting pats and everyone resumes eating and chatting. With his hands clutching on his legs and his teeth biting his lower lip, Yuzuru takes a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

“Ahno… I have something to tell you guys.”  
“Yuzuru-kun it’s okay, we can just drop it.”

Akiko tries to reassure Yuzuru that he doesn’t need to force himself, but Yuzuru ignores her and looks to Kanako.

“Kanako-chan, could you close the door please?”

Kanako stares back at Yuzuru before getting up and carefully closing the door, all to make everyone else much more confused about what’s going on.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Meanwhile, Patrick and Javier are sitting at the corner of a bar at the hotel.

“I need to talk to you about Yuzuru.”  
“Yeah, I expected that. You seem to be concerned.”  
“Of course I am, Yuzuru is my friend… So, why him?”

Taking a sip of his beer, Patrick looks at Javier.

“What are you asking?”  
“He’s a guy, and from what I know you’ve only liked and dated girls.”  
“So you think I’m playing with him.”  
“I didn’t say that, did I?”  
“But that’s what you think, right?”  
“…I just don’t understand the sudden change.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“Yuzuru-kun what’s going on? You’re making us nervous.”

Mao treats Yuzuru like a little brother, and she has never seen Yuzuru like this.

“I… I know you guys probably won’t like it but I also don’t want to lie…”  
“What, what is it?”

Yuzuru has his head down when Daisuke asks him again, and everyone else just stays quiet.

“…It will only be 2 months next week but…I’m currently dating someone.”

The room erupts into sighs of relief and sounds of joy, added with teasing complaints.

“I knew it!!!!”  
“Who is she???? Do I know her?????”  
“Gosh, did you really have to wait that long?????”  
“I’m happy for you Yuzuru-kun~”

Akiko is going to congratulate Yuzuru as well when she sees the quiet boy still has the troubled face, like he’s holding something in. Sensing something isn’t right, she asks everyone to be quiet before turning to Yuzuru again.

“Yuzuru-kun?”

The younger shakes his head, with a small and apologetic smile.

“…You guys won’t like it…”  
“Why?”  
“……Because…I’m dating a guy…………”

 

\---------------------------

 

With Javier still staring at him, Patrick lets out a loud sigh.

“If today Yuzuru were a girl, I would have done the same thing. I know you probably think this is crazy, but… his gender really is the last thing on my mind. It’s one of those moments when you meet someone and… you just know that you want to take care of the person.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the drama begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer update this time, which means the next one will probably take more time but I'll try.

Not able to withstand the silence, Yuzuru abruptly gets up to leave the room. Mao is the first to react, she quickly stands up and pulls Yuzuru’s arm before the younger one gets to the door.

“Yuzuru-kun, look at me. Please?”

When Yuzuru finally turns around to face a pleading Mao, he also sees Daisuke appearing next to her.  
Daisuke reaches out and messes with Yuzuru’s soft hair.

“Where are you going with a face like that?”  
“…But…but you guys…”  
“But we what? You don’t even let us talk so you just imagine what we’re gonna say? That’s not the way to treat your senpais, right?”

Yuzuru looks at Daisuke, and others whose faces look equally concerned and worried.

“Sorry…”

Wrapping his arm across Yuzuru’s shoulder, Daisuke walks the younger boy back to his seat and makes him sit.

“Didn’t mean to scare you… we were just surprised and wasn’t sure what to say for a few seconds…”  
“Yeah, you’re old enough and it’s nice to know that there’s something --- or someone --- you like besides skating.”  
“It’ll probably take a while for me to get used to it but…As long as you’re happy Yuzuru, that’s the most important.”

Seeing his friends smile with understanding and hearing the encouraging words, Yuzuru feels a lot more relaxed. It’s almost like a giant rock has been lift off his shoulders, and he finally smiles in relief.

“So who’s the guy?”  
“Nobu-kun! We just said that as long as he’s happy!”

Mao hits on Nobunari’s shoulder.

“What?? Can’t we at least know what kind of guy he’s dating? I’m being serious here!”  
“Nobu has got a point. Yuzuru, it’s not that we don’t approve but… I mean, this is probably your first real relationship and if this is serious, we kind of need to know… Don’t get me wrong and I’m not judging you but, it’s still a slightly different situation than dating a girl… We just want the best for you.”

Tatsuki says to Yuzuru sincerely. Yuzuru, on the other hand, gets shy at the idea of revealing the identity of his new boyfriend.

“… Actually, you guys have all seen him before… and today too.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“…It’s Patrick… Patrick Chan.”  
“WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!”

The name of someone so unexpected --- yet so close to the skaters at the same time --- causes a uproar in the room and everyone is just shocked. Daisuke runs to check and make sure there’s no one eavesdropping outside before quickly shutting the door tightly. 

“How did it happen???? I’ve never seen you guys talked!!”

The curiosity is killing Daisuke and he asks Yuzuru the same question that everyone has. Yuzuru then tells them what has happened between Patrick and him, include how did they become friends and how he and Patrick would visit each other in Toronto and Detroit. 

“Be careful, you guys are still in the competitive career and if the media knows about it right now, people will treat it as the biggest scandal and people will blame your relationship for whatever mistakes you make on ice… ”

Knowing that Yuzuru has probably thought about it already, Daisuke believes that it’s his responsibility as a senpai to warn Yuzuru again. Yuzuru smiles back and nods.

“I know, Dai-kun. We’re being really careful about it.”

Everyone has calmed down by now, and Tatsuki sits back into his seat with his arms behind his head.

“Totally wasn’t expecting that… I thought it’s Javier, I mean you guys have always been close.”  
“Javier has a girlfriend, an ice dancer remember?”

Akiko reminds Tatsuki.

“Ah that’s right!”

Yuzuru just smiles and doesn’t say anything.  
Sitting next to Yuzuru, Kanako glances at her friend with worries in her eyes. Kanako has been quiet throughout most of the conversation on Yuzuru's newly announced relationship and somehow, she doesn't have a good feeling about what Yuzuru has just revealed.

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

Hearing someone pounding on her hotel room door, Cortney opens the door.

“Hello handsome.”  
“Hey.”

The two share a quick kiss as Javier walking into the room, and Cortney closes the door behind her.

“So how was it?”  
“How was what?”  
“Your dinner with Patrick. I didn’t know you guys hang out. What did you guys talk about?”  
“Nothing important, just small stuffs.”

Javier takes off his shirt, showing his perfect muscles when he momentarily glances at Cortney. Within a few steps, he has Cortney wrapped in his arms and they fall onto the bed together.

“Javi are you okay?”

Cortney slightly turns her head to ask, reaching out a hand to slowly brush her boyfriend’s hair.

“I’m okay, just had an awful day on the ice. Come on Cortney I really need this tonight.”

Javier didn’t have a clean skate in this competition, especially his long program today. It’s partially true that Javier’s performance at this competition contributes to his bad mood and he needs some extremely passionate and hardcore sex as outlet.

That’s one of the reasons, and another reason is Patrick.

“There’s no need for you to worry, I can assure you. I know what I want, and I won’t force him to do things he doesn’t like because I care about him.”

That’s the last thing Patrick said to him before they went their separate ways after the drink.

Javier is friends with everyone, but he’s always felt a distance with Patrick even before the Canadian skater befriends Yuzuru. He’s not really sure why, maybe because he has just never really liked the confidence that seems to be on Patrick’s face all the time.

And the fact that Patrick is now Yuzuru’s boyfriend just pisses Javier off.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

Yuzuru is at his hotel’s lobby when he receives a phone call from Kanako.

“Moshi moshi Kanako-chan?”  
“…Yuzuru-kun, can I talk to you?... It’s about Patrick-kun.”

Yuzuru stops in his track, looks around him and doesn’t see many people at this hour. He sits down in a sofa.

“I’m at my hotel’s lobby right now… What do you want to talk about? I’m sorry for making a scene at dinner and making you guys worried…”  
“No it’s okay. Mao-chan and others are still surprised, but they’re also happy for you. But I… Sigh, are you really sure?”  
“Sure of what?”  
“Your feeling.”

Not hearing anything from the silent Yuzuru for a while, Kanako decides to continue.

“Not long ago you were super depressed about Javier-kun and now you’re dating Patrick-kun out of the blue.”  
“It’s not out of the blue! Did you not hear anything I talked about at dinner?”  
“Yes I heard you, but I think my doubt is also legitimate. I know you probably need someone to help you move on, but I hope you’re not using Patrick-kun as a rebound. The whole ‘let me start dating this person and see if I can fall in love’ thing doesn’t work!!”  
“How can you say that? You don't have that much experience, and you’re not a relationship expert yourself so stop talking to me like that!!”  
“Yuzuru-kun!”

Looking around while trying to keep his voice down, Yuzuru just wants to end this conversation so badly.

“Kanako, we’ll talk some other time. I can’t deal with this right now and I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

With that, Yuzuru hangs up the phone before Kanako has a chance to speak, and his heart is still pounding when he steps into the elevator.

He and Kanako have known each other since they were children, and the girl is now one of his closest friends. Yuzuru knows that he was being mean during his conversation with Kanako earlier --- very uncharacteristic of him --- and he knows that Kanako was very worried about him.

Shaking his head when he steps out of the elevator, Yuzuru wants to leave that conversation with Kanako in the back of his head because he’s going to see Patrick soon. Yuzuru takes a deep breath and inserts his door key, opening the door and only to see Patrick standing in his room.

“Patrick!! How did you get in here?”

Closing the door behind him, Yuzuru quickly finds himself in Patrick’s tight embrace.

“Your mom led me in and told me to wait here… Sigh, you have no idea how badly I want to just hug you like this at the rink. I know we can’t, so I’m just saying… that it sucks.”

Patrick is rambling while buries his face into the space between Yuzuru’s neck and shoulder, and Yuzuru just can’t help smiling after hearing that from his boyfriend.

“Hey, you know what… I told them.”  
“Told who?”  
“My friends. You know, Daisuke, Mao and others. I told them about us being in a relationship.”

Patrick quickly loosens the hug and is now gripping on Yuzuru’s arms. He looks at the other with wide eyes, speculating with uneasiness.

“And? What did they say?”  
“They’re happy for me ^.^ Of course they were surprised at first and sorry I didn’t talk to you about this before but… I just don’t want to lie in front of them, you know? They’re my friends and my teammates. Besides, your teammates knew and it wouldn’t be fair if I were the only one hiding.”

Hearing the news makes Patrick relieved. Yuzuru takes off his jacket, follows Patrick to sit comfortably in the bed.

“As much as I’m happy for the fact that they’re accepting, you don’t need to feel like being rushed, you know… You can wait until you’re ready.”  
“Well, Akiko said I looked different in my skating today and my performance was more emotional, so I probably won’t be able to hide it much longer anyways. Speaking of skating, congratulations on your gold medal, omedetou gozaimsu.”

Yuzuru jokingly changes into the Japanese kneeling position and bows to Patrick. While laughing, Patrick happily accepts Yuzuru’s congratulation by pulling the other into a kiss --- something he has wanted to do ever since the medal ceremony.

“Thank you, and do I get a reward for winning gold? Hm?”

Patrick whispers to Yuzuru’s ear when the younger boy settles himself to sit between Patrick’s legs, with his back against Patrick’s chest and resting his head on Patrick’s shoulder.

“A reward? I’m the one who needs comfort… I fell on my quad salchow again…”

It felt just like his short program during the World Championship in March. Since he won the gold medal at Sochi despite two falls, all Yuzuru could think about was to prove himself as a qualified Olympic gold medalist. He thought about it so much that he lose control of his body and tempo, dropping to third place at the end of the short program. 

Although he made a strong comeback at the World Championship, the nightmare remained and this time it happened in the free skate portion and cost him a gold medal.

“That doesn’t make you any less good, you did what you could for today. You better adjust your mindset as soon as possible though, the first competition of the season is over and you can’t allow that negativity to carry on and affect you for too long.”  
“Yeah… I know.”

Yuzuru nods in response and rest his hands on Patrick’s arms that are currently wrapped around his waist. It feels nice to have somebody this close, Yuzuru thinks to himself. Both not paying much attention to what’s on the TV screen, Patrick and Yuzuru just enjoy the peacefulness and each other’s warmth after a long and stressful day.

Then, Patrick picks up the remote to turn off the TV and the room is quiet all of a sudden.

“Patrick, what---”

Before Yuzuru can turn around, he lets out a soft gasp at the feeling of Patrick’s lips kissing his earlobe. Patrick then shifts his attention to the back of Yuzuru’s neck and his shoulder blade, while placing his hands on Yuzuru’s arms and slowly roaming up and down.

“You haven’t answered my request for a reward yet, remember?”

Patrick tenderly lays Yuzuru on the soft mattress while looking into his eyes.

“I…”

Yuzuru isn’t sure what to say or how to react, but he can tell something is different. The way Patrick looks into his eyes, the way Patrick kisses him, and Patrick’s voice sounding huskier than usual… 

Without knowing, Yuzuru shifts his eyes away under Patrick’s gaze. 

Taking it as a sign of Yuzuru’s shyness, Patrick bends down to kiss Yuzuru again. This time, Yuzuru welcomes Patrick more by slightly parting his mouth to meet his lover’s tongue. Patrick kisses Yuzuru deeper and more hungrily as he slips his hands under Yuzuru’s sweater.

As Patrick slowly works his way up toward Yuzuru’s chest, Yuzuru grab Patrick’s hands.

“Patrick wait… Are you sure you want to do this?”  
“And I thought that, I should be the one asking you this question?”  
“I mean--- You’ve probably done this with girls before but… I’m a guy and I don’t think it’ll be the same… Do you really…”

Blinking down at Yuzuru a few times, Patrick finally understands his younger boyfriend’s worry. He lets out a small laugh.

“It’s a little embarrassing, but see…”

Patrick takes Yuzuru’s hand to his crotch. Yuzuru’s eyes widen and his cheeks turn pink when he feels Patrick’s growing erection against his palm.

“I’ve never been this turned on with just one kiss, so… there shouldn’t be a problem.”

Yuzuru loosens the grip and turns his head to the side, giving Patrick’s lips better access as the Canadian man’s hands continue to feel the softness of Yuzuru’s skin. Everything seems to be going fine until Patrick begins to unzip Yuzuru’s jeans and kisses the elastic of Yuzuru’s boxers.

When Kanako’s voice comes back.

 

_“I hope you’re not using Patrick-kun as a rebound.”_

 

Patrick has been so good to him. An older and wiser boyfriend who’s always gentle and protective. A more experienced skater and fellow competitor who points out his weakness in the hope of his career growing stronger. 

More importantly, Patrick loves him, and he just can’t do that to Patrick.

“No… Patrick stop!!”

Yuzuru hurriedly grabs Patrick’s hands tighter than before, stopping his boyfriend from pulling down his boxer. The love and lust in Patrick’s eyes are soon replaced with worry and a small hint of regret. He quickly zip back Yuzuru’s jeans and fix his sweater, pulling Yuzuru back up into a hug.

“I… I’m so sorry Patrick! I'm just not---”  
“No it’s okay. I understand… I shouldn’t have pushed you like that, I’m sorry Yuzu.”

Patrick still ends up spending the night at Yuzuru’s room, sleeping next to Yuzuru.  
Yuzuru silently stares at Patrick’s sleeping face. 

Yuzuru knows that Kanako already saw right through him and it scared the crap out of him.  
It’s true that he was neither 100% sure of his feeling nor 100% in love with Patrick when he said yes to the Canadian skater, but he hopes --- and believes --- that everything will eventually be alright.

 

_...I'm not yet entirely ready but...Please wait for me...Okay?_

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Patrick wakes up much earlier than his planned schedule and he has never felt more awake and better. He has a really good night of sleep, and there is still plenty of time for him to stay in bed with Yuzuru a little longer before going back to his room and getting ready for his flight back to Detroit.

The one thing Patrick wishes he could have not done is the sex attempt. It’s not like he has planned to have sex with Yuzuru last night, the mood seemed right and he just couldn’t control himself at that moment. 

Hoping that he didn’t scare Yuzuru, Patrick softly strokes Yuzuru’s cheek before planting a kiss on Yuzuru’s forehead. 

And then Yuzuru murmurs something in his sleep, causing Patrick to freeze. 

“……Javi…”

Patrick keeps his focus on Yuzuru’s innocent sleeping face for a while, before quietly --- and stiffly --- gets out of the bed, puts on his clothes and leaves Yuzuru’s room without a word.


	7. Chapter 7

Jeremy raises an eyebrow as he watches Patrick speeding on ice in a crazy fashion.

“Jeremy!”

The American turns around when he hears Scott and Tessa calling him. The pair has just finished their final training session before going back to their home country tomorrow for Skate Canada.

“Hey guys!”  
“How’s training?”  
“It’s good, at least I’m done.”

Scott shifts his eyes to Patrick, who has just fell hard onto the ice after making a jump at a ridiculously fast speed. Patrick then gets up and continues to skate --- fast.

“What the hell is he doing?”  
“Ask him…”

After a while, a panting Patrick stops in front of his friends. He grabs the water bottle Tessa hands him and starts drinking like he hasn’t had water for days.

“Are you okay?? You look like you are trying to kill someone out there.”  
“Maybe… or maybe not…”

Patrick puts down the bottle loudly, making Tessa frowns. She’s never seen Patrick this moody.

“Did something happen with your little boyfriend? I mean, you’ve been acting weird ever since Skate America.”

Jeremy asks the question half jokingly, and then he sees the expressionless Patrick lowering his eyes.

“…He said that guy’s name in his sleep……”

It took Patrick a while to speak, as if speaking has become the hardest thing in the world.  
Scott blinks twice at Patrick, not getting the point Patrick is trying to make.

“Who? And why is there another guy involved?”

“……He said ‘Javi’ in his sleep……”  
“ ‘Javi?’… Javier Fernandez?? You mean the guy he was in love with???”  
“Don’t remind me, Tessa.”

Patrick glares at Tessa before pushing himself back to the ice, before his dumbstruck friends have a chance to say anything else.

The night when Yuzuru said yes with a smile, he had a feeling that Yuzuru isn’t completely over Javier because it’s a bit too fast. He could have waited longer to confess his feeling but he just couldn’t hold back anymore.

He knew from the very beginning, and he chose to accept it. So when he heard Yuzuru whispering another man’s nickname with that sweet voice, he can’t blame anyone but himself for feeling like shit upon witnessing the fact: Javier still captures most of Yuzuru’s heart.

Maybe time will prove it, maybe his dedication and love will prevail but who knows.

For now, he needs to kill himself a little bit more on ice just to clear his head.

\---------------------------------- 

In the end, Patrick didn’t do well at Skate Canada and finished in third place. Everyone thought that he’s locking himself in the hotel room because he’s disappointed with his performance, but Patrick actually felt lucky that he even had a bronze. What happened less than a week ago still preoccupied his mind and he just couldn’t focus.

A sudden knock on his hotel room door pulls Patrick out of his thoughts. 

“Who’s there?”  
“Patrick it’s me.”

_Yuzuru?_

Patrick quickly unlocks the door to let the smiling Yuzuru comes in.

“I thought you’re celebrating with your family and friends.”

His Yuzuru, on the other hand, overcame his previous obstacle and had a fantastic performance just like what people expected him to do.

“But I said I’ll come see you afterward, did you not get my text message?”  
“…Oh…”

Patrick glances at the cell phone he has forgotten about at the corner, before turning back to Yuzuru with an apologetic face.

“…I haven’t checked my phone, sorry.”  
“Don’t worry about it.”

Stepping forward a few steps, Yuzuru wraps his arms around Patrick’s waist and buries his head into the other’s shoulder.

“…Are you okay?”

Taking in Yuzuru’s scent, Patrick gives a weak laugh.

“Ah… bad day, but I just need to recondition myself before going to China.”  
“I’m not talking about skating.”

Yuzuru loosens his grip on Patrick who’s looking puzzled, and he takes Patrick’s hand as they walk toward to bed to sit down.

“Jeremy told you that you haven’t been yourself since Skate America… He didn’t tell me why though.”

Patrick isn’t sure if he’s ready to talk to Yuzuru about it. Yuzuru looks to his boyfriend, who’s silently staring at the floor right next to him, and gives Patrick’s hand a squeeze on the Canadian’s laps. 

“You know all my worries, you know everything about me and… I need to know what’s bothering you too.”

Yuzuru’s worried, he’s never seen Patrick like this. At the same time, Patrick knows that it won’t help the situation if he continues to hide it from Yuzuru, not when others can clearly notice there’s something wrong with him.

“I… Well, I really have no one to blame other than myself for this so...”  
“Patrick… please, I just want to be let in…”  
“…Remember last time I spent the night at your hotel room after Skate America?”  
“Yeah, what about it?”

Patrick turns to look at Yuzuru, whose face looks as innocent as ever --- the Japanese boy really had no idea what happened that morning.

“I kissed your forehead when I woke up in the morning and then… you whispered ‘Javi’ in your sleep…”

His boyfriend’s voice is very soft, but that along with a weak and sad smile are enough to make Yuzuru feel that all the blood has been drained out of his body.

“…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry Patrick…”

Patrick looks to the Japanese boy’s hand that’s no longer holding his own but clutching the bed sheet so tightly in a fist. Still staring at the floor and feeling more shame than ever, Yuzuru doesn’t even have the energy to wriggle out of Patrick’s embrace.

“Yuzu, would you look at me?”  
“I can’t… I… I don’t even feel like I deserve to be here…”

And yet, Yuzuru is now clutching onto Patrick’s sleeves in front of his chest like his life depends on it.

Patrick thinks to himself. 

Does he want to take a break, or even end the relationship with Yuzuru now?

No, they’ve gradually built this friendship for months and only been dating for two months. It’s not in his nature --- both as a man and an athlete --- to give up like this. Not when they’re both in a period of adjustment, not when he knows that Yuzuru is also making efforts, and not when he still has so much to do to capture Yuzuru’s heart entirely.

He gives Yuzuru a loving peck on the head before letting go of his younger boyfriend.

“Just let this one go and forget about it, that’s what we’ll do.”  
“…Are you not mad?”  
“Well… Like I said, I can’t blame anyone else other than myself… I knew you weren’t ready to love me when you said yes, but I chose to go along with it because I just couldn’t hold back anymore.”

Yuzuru swiftly turns around and stare at Patrick with eyes widen. Patrick smiles.

“And you’re finally looking at me.”  
“Wha---How did you…”

Patrick shrugs.

“I don’t know, I just… because I know you, and I have a feeling.”

Yuzuru continues staring into Patrick’s dark eyes. Not knowing what to think, he lets his body takes control and wraps his slender arms around Patrick’s neck for a long kiss. It’s almost like he needs to do something to prove to Patrick --- and even Yuzuru himself.

Patrick is taken by surprise because Yuzuru rarely takes this type of initiative, but he soon deepens the passionate kiss and hungrily taste Yuzuru’s saliva as their tongues fighting for dominance. Feeling his excitement rising again and afraid that Yuzuru will feel it, Patrick stops and lightly pulls away Yuzuru’s shoulders.

Still catching his breath after a long kiss, Yuzuru looks at the serious Patrick puzzled.

“Patrick?”  
“It’s late, you should get back to rest. Your flight is earlier than mine tomorrow.”  
“But--- Why did you stop? Don’t you--- I mean…”

Patrick shakes his head with a light smile.

“No, not tonight baby.”

Yuzuru feels like his heart just sinks a little bit, but he’s not letting Patrick off easily this time.

“Okay, but I’m still staying here.”

Yuzuru’s words sound more like an order than a request.

“Yuzu…”  
“We have competitions coming one after another, and we don’t have much alone time for each other… I just want to stay with you tonight, please?”

Seeing those puppy eyes of Yuzuru, Patrick lets out a loud sigh knowing that there’s no room for further discussion.

“Fine, but you better wake up on time tomorrow morning to give yourself enough time to get ready.”

\-----------------------------------

Even though he tells Yuzuru that they will leave behind whatever happened at Skate America, he knows it will stay in his mind --- he can only choose either to think about it or to ignore it. But for now, he needs to re-focus on his skating because like Yuzuru said, they have four Grand Prix events in November before the Grand Prix Final in December. He, of all people, doesn’t have the luxury to fail.

Trying to sleep with his eyes closed, Patrick sleeps facing the other side of the room when he feels Yuzuru snuggling into his back. The Japanese boy has just moved closer to him and lightly touches his waist, apparently not wanting to wake up his Canadian boyfriend.

Patrick lets out another loud sigh, but this time in his mind only.

If he says that Yuzuru’s whisper of Javier’s name doesn’t hurt him, he will be the biggest liar in the world. At the same time, thought, he loves Yuzuru so much.

 

“What should I do with you?… Yuzu”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh this chapter is bad I know but I also need to update... Happy early Easter everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some trouble writing this chapter... hopefully you guys still enjoy it!!

Javier finishes his wine and places the empty glass back onto the table.

“Thanks for coming out here, Yuzu. I really appreciate it.”  
“It’s nothing, glad to see that you’re feeling better.”

The night after Grand Prix Final, Yuzuru received a phone call from Javier, who apparently just had a bad quarrel with Cortney. His heart was debating whether he should go with the initial plan of meeting with Patrick, when his friend’s trembling and shaky voice led him to take the other option. Javier picked up Yuzuru at the hotel and drove to a bar not far away, they sat down and had a long conversation with couple drinks and Javier felt a lot better. 

“So… how’s it going with Patrick? Are you happy?”

On the way of driving Yuzuru back to the hotel, Javier glances at Yuzuru while waiting for the signal to turn green. Having spent almost every single day on ice with Yuzuru, Javier can’t help noticing the fact that his friend is getting more beautiful. It’s probably because he’s been paying extra attention to Yuzuru’s feeling, but in his eyes Yuzuru seems to be glowing in a very soft and warm light.

“We’re good, and yes I’m happy.”

Yuzuru answers with a smile, feeling slightly guilty at the same time because he told Patrick that he had to cancel their meeting due to a previously scheduled gathering with his family that he forgot about. He didn’t tell Patrick the truth because he didn’t think Patrick would like the idea of him and Javier together.

“Aww~~~ so I see you’re completely over me. You’re hurting my feeling Yuzu.”

Javier makes a sad face while holding his front shirt in a dramatic way, earning a couple slaps on the shoulder from the laughing Yuzuru.

“Hey I thought you were the love of my life okay? But since we’re both happy now, I think things happen for good reasons.”

Yuzuru’s crescent smile makes Javier quiet. He continues driving and contemplates whether he should ask the question.

 

\----------------------------------

 

Patrick was already waiting at the lobby of Yuzuru’s hotel when he received a text message from the Japanese boy. Hiding the inevitable disappointment in his conversation with Yuzuru, Patrick heads to the bar himself when he hears someone calling his name.

“Patrick-kun!”  
“Hello Kanako!”

Patrick turns around to see the beaming Japanese girl whose bubbly personality has always lightened up everyone around her.

“What are you doing here by yourself? Where’s Yuzuru?”  
“Oh we were supposed to meet but he had some last-minute stuffs with his family so…”

Kanako frowns upon hearing her friend ditching his boyfriend.

“What?! I’m gonna so yell at him.”  
“That’s okay… Um, would you like to join me?”  
“May I?”  
“It’s my honor, and I actually don’t feel like drinking alone.”

They’re sitting at a private table at the corner. As their conversation centers mostly on skating, other skaters and Yuzuru, Patrick remembers Yuzuru telling him about a previous argument with Kanako.

“Are you and Yuzuru okay now? You know, he was pretty frustrated with himself for being mean to you…”  
“Oh yea, it wasn’t a big deal actually… Wait, so he told you…?”

Kanako looks up after taking a bite of her cake, her eyes matching Patrick who has an understanding smile on his face.

“Yes, I knew he wasn’t that into me when we first started dating. We already talked about it.”

Looking down, Kanako quietly puts down her fork, wiping her mouth with a tissue.

“Mao and Akiko always say they wonder what kind of good deed has Yuzuru done in his previous life for him to have someone like you…”

“Excuse me?”  
“How can you be okay with what he’s doing? You’re a great person, a gentleman and I’m sure million girls would kill to have you as their boyfriend.” 

Kanako bites her bottom lip before continuing.

“I love Yuzuru as one of my closest friends and that’s why I was mad at him… I don’t want him to get hurt, and I don’t want him to hurt other people.”  
“He’s lucky to have you as a friend.”  
“And even if he’s my friend, sometimes I can’t help thinking that you deserve someone better.”

The young Japanese girl’s words bring out laughter from Patrick as he bends forward to grab his glass.

“Thank you Kanako. Maybe your friend has some sort of super power that just makes me not wanting to leave.”  
“…Even if he doesn’t love you entirely? Even if he’s using you?”

Patrick quietly stares at the liquid inside the glass he’s holding, with Kanako’s worry voice at his ears.

“Honestly, I don’t know either… I guess we’ll just have to see.”

They chatted for more before Patrick insists to escort Kanako back to her room since it’s late. The pair continues walking when Patrick suddenly pulls Kanako into a corner and before Kanako can ask anything, she sees Javier standing outside Yuzuru’s room.

 

\----------------------------------

 

“Yuzu… Have you ever thought that…”  
“Hm? Thought what?”  
“Never mind, it’s not important.”  
“Javier.”  
“No really, I don’t think it’s appropriate.”  
“Javier~~~~~ Don’t do that, you know I hate it when people leave words unfinished. Come on, what are you trying to say?”

Feeling Yuzuru tugging on his sleeves, Javier swallows hard.

“…………Have you ever thought that even if we’re both with someone else…that I still might be the love of your life?”

Starring into the beautiful eyes of Yuzuru, Javier can feel the awkwardness in the air, and awkwardness coming from the dumbstruck Yuzuru who doesn’t know what to say. Coming back to his sense, Javier lets out a small chuckle.

“…It must be the alcohol. I shouldn’t have said that… I’m sorry.”

Javier reaches out to touch Yuzuru’s hair, with the Japanese boy still silently starring at him.

“Good night, Yuzu.”

 

\----------------------------------

 

Kanako almost gasps before Patrick quickly reaches out from behind to cover her mouth with his own hand. Shutting her eyes tightly, Kanako feels like there’s water in her eyes and she has to try very hard not to let it out.

Because she doesn’t have the right to, not when the man standing behind her is still listening in silence.

Patrick releases his hand after Javier leaves the hallway.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Kanako quickly wipes her eyes and walks next to the Canadian again. Very soon, they reach Kanako’s room at the other end of the hallway. 

“It was great catching up with you tonight, Kanako.”

Patrick’s voice is still as calm as ever, but that hint of sadness gives Kanako heartache.

“I… I’m so sorry Patrick…”  
“For what?”  
“Because he!… How can he…”

Before she can finish the sentence, she finds herself in a light embrace of Patrick.

“It’s not your fault, and don’t tell anyone about it. Yuzuru included.”  
“But---”  
“Please.”

Patrick releases his arms when he feels Kanako nodding, giving him reassurance. 

“Good night, Kanako. And… thank you.”

After bidding the sad-faced Kanako goodbye, the small smile disappears on Patrick’s face as he turn around. He takes a taxi from the front gate and goes back to his hotel. Once he enters his own room, he stares into space for a few seconds before grabbing the item closest to him --- an ashtray --- and throws it to the wall in front of him.  
While panting and staring at the broken pieces of glass on the floor, his phone rings. Patrick takes the phone from his pocket and only to see Yuzuru’s name and smiling face on the caller ID.

 

_“…………Have you ever thought that even if we’re both with someone else…that I still might be the love of your life?”_

 

Ignoring the call, Patrick stuffs his phone to the very bottom of his suitcase before turning off the light and throwing himself onto the bed.

He’s done for the day, and he’s exhausted.


	9. Chapter 9

Shortly after their return to Toronto, Javier writes Yuzuru a long e-mail to apologize for what he said that night outside Yuzuru’s hotel room.

“Don’t do something you’ll regret later, Javi. Cortney is a great girl and you guys are perfect for each other, seriously.”

Yuzuru tells his friend on the phone, who has just called to make sure Yuzuru has read the e-mail and apologized again.

“So… are we cool? Still best buddies?”  
“Of course.”  
“Thanks Yuzu, you’re the best.”

Hanging up on Javier, Yuzuru smiles. He knows he’s doing the right thing for both Javier and himself. Javier will always be special to him but any sense of romantic feeling for Javier has to end for good, and he doesn't think whatever feeling Javier has for him is real either. He can’t have Javier going back and forth with his feeling because that’s unfair for Cortney. Javier will have Cortney by his side and he will be Javier’s good friend/training mate, and that’s the best for everyone.

Now he’s worried about his boyfriend, Patrick.

Patrick didn’t return his call or send him message that night in Barcelona, when it wasn't that late at all. After the Grand Prix Final, Patrick always seems to be busy with something else and has been quite difficult to get a hold of.

Looking at the calendar, Yuzuru would be leaving for Japan in a few days for vacation. He was hoping to see Patrick before the trip --- which he told Patrick long time ago --- or even plan something with his boyfriend to celebrate their very first Christmas together but Patrick seems reluctant to give him a confirmation and doesn’t seems to be too excited about it.

 

\----------------------------------

 

It’s raining heavily outside today and Yuzuru is alone at home packing for his trip tomorrow when a soaking Javier appears outside the door.

“Javi!!”  
“Gosh Yuzu just let me in first, it’s freaking cold.”

Yuzuru steps back to let the shivering Javier in, who hands a dripping plastic Ziploc bag to his Japanese friend.

“Here! You forgot the god damn video!!”  
“Oh my god! Thank you so much!!! Brian would kill me if I don’t bring it back to Japan.”

Inside the bag is the practice video that Brian and Tracy have especially prepared for both of them to watch during vacation. Javier looks around the empty and quiet house.

“Where’s your mom?”  
“She went back to Sendai already to take care of stuffs.”  
“Do you mind if I take a shower and dry my clothes? I feel so gross now.”

Javier asks while pulling his jeans and shifting his legs in an uncomfortable way. Yuzuru laughs, pushing his Spanish friend into the shower room before going to his own closet to get some dry clothes. 

Yuzuru’s phone rings when he is putting Javier’s wet clothes into the dry machine, and a smile appears on Yuzuru’s face without him knowing it.

For the first time ever after Grand Prix Final, he gets a phone call from Patrick.

“Hey there!”  
“Are you home?”

Although Patrick’s voice sounds a bit strange on the phone, Yuzuru doesn’t care at the moment because he’s just so happy.

“Yeah I am, how’s it going? You haven’t---”  
“I’ll be right there in 5 minutes.”

To much of Yuzuru’s surprise, Patrick hangs up before he has a chance to respond. 

And then 5 minutes later, Patrick --- also drenched in rain --- is there outside Yuzuru’s home.  
Yuzuru feels puzzled about Patrick’s sudden visit and the apparent rushing conversation on the phone, but he’s glad to see his boyfriend. 

“Hey Patrick, I haven’t seen you in---!!!!!”

Once Yuzuru opens the door, Patrick pushes himself into Yuzuru’s home and cups his younger boyfriend’s face for a hungry kiss. Yuzuru is taken aback, but he immediately responds because he misses kissing Patrick too. When a panting Yuzuru finally gets a chance to break away for air, he looks at Patrick with flushed cheeks. Their faces are inch apart and Yuzuru can feel Patrick’s heavy breathing on his face.

“Patrick, what’s going on?”  
“Just let me kiss you.”

Not giving the Japanese boy a chance to speak, Patrick pulls Yuzuru in for another kiss and this time more forceful.

Something is not right, Yuzuru thinks in his head.

It’s not that Patrick hasn’t kissed him with force and passion before, but Patrick is always gentle and takes notice of Yuzuru’s reaction to make sure the younger boy is okay.

But this time, Yuzuru only feels the force in Patrick’s kiss --- and something else that Yuzuru isn’t sure what is it. Yuzuru then gasps at the feeling of Patrick’s lips sucking on his neck, one of Patrick’s hands traveling up and down his back from beneath his sweater while another hand firmly grasps onto his hips.

“No…”

Knees going weak, Yuzuru loses his balance and he soon finds himself trapped between the floor in the hallway and Patrick who’s hovering above him. 

“Patrick stop. What’s going on?”

Yuzuru whines trying to push Patrick away but his older and stronger boyfriend pins his slender arms to the floor. Patrick’s grip is hurting Yuzuru, and his eyes look different too. Yuzuru can’t read what’s going on in Patrick’s eyes, but he can no longer see the love and warmth those eyes have always given him.

“…Say something Patrick… Why aren’t you talking to me?”

Ignoring Yuzuru’s plead, Patrick releases Yuzuru’s wrists but keeps Yuzuru’s body in between his legs to prevent the younger boy from getting up. 

“No Patrick!”

Yuzuru’s eyes widen in shock when Patrick roughly pulls down his sweatpants, showing Yuzuru’s boxer and soft thighs.

Javier is not far away from where they are.  
This is not how Yuzuru pictures his first time with Patrick to be like, or with anyone for that matter.  
Yet he couldn’t help moaning as Patrick begins rubbing his private part and biting on his neck.

Yuzuru shuts his eyes tightly. This is not the Patrick he knows either, and it scares him.

“Patrick please!! I don’t want this!!!!”  
“Yuzu what is go--- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????????”

Javier furiously drags Patrick off Yuzuru. He brings Yuzuru to sit back up and holds Yuzuru protectively in his arms.

“What the hell is wrong with you????? You said you wouldn’t do things he doesn’t like!!!”

Patrick hears Javier yelling at him with all his energy, and his back is hurting because he accidentally hits the wall when Javier pulls him away. 

But none of these has his attention right now.

He sees Yuzuru curling up in Javier’s embrace, and with fear all over his little face and those eyes that used to twinkle with joy whenever they’re together.

“...I see. Yeah… you’re right…”

Patrick murmurs before quickly stands up and gets out of Yuzuru’s house.

 

_Way to go Patrick Chan…. What a way to screw things up…._

 

“Patrick wait!!”

Hearing the familiar voice, Patrick turns around to see Yuzuru running to him. Patrick doesn’t mind getting soaked in rain, because he didn’t bring an umbrella and he was already wet anyways. 

But Yuzuru is different. 

“You can’t catch a cold Yuzu, you have asthma.”  
“I’m not leaving unless I get an explanation!”

Yuzuru yells loudly, with his hair already soaked in rain.

Just when he’s about to speak, Patrick sees Javier stepping out of the house holding an umbrella and Yuzuru’s jacket.

He lets out a sigh as he opens the driver’s door of his car, which is currently parked on Yuzuru’s driveway.

“He’s worried about you, get back to the house.”  
“Patrick!!”

Yuzuru reaches out to grab the door before Patrick can close it.

Sad, angry and ashamed of himself, Patrick looks at Yuzuru, he’s never seen the Japanese boy staring this hard at something or someone. There’s water on Yuzuru’s face, and Patrick can’t tell if it’s from the raining or if Yuzuru’s actually crying.

“…I just need some times to rethink our relationship.”

Patrick whispers. It’s soft but it’s clear, but Yuzuru stills want to think that Patrick is joking.

“What are you talking about?......”  
“That’s my explanation. Now please let go of my door. Have fun in Japan.”  
“……”  
“Yuzu, hand off please.”

Patrick shuts the door as soon as Yuzuru hesitantly withdraws his hand, tearing his eyes away from Yuzuru and drives off without taking a second glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene of Patrick forcing Yuzu is lame... I'm sorry but I tried XD


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A painful Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I totally forgot about the national championship in Japan in the previous chapter, I'm adding the reference here. I feel like my writing is getting lame though...^^;;; so thank you all for continuing your support!!!

“MERRY~~~CHRISTMAS!!!”

After the national championship, some of Japan’s best figure skaters and most memorable former skaters gather for a Christmas celebration at a restaurant after the exhibition that happens to be on Christmas Eve.

And this year, Yuzuru, who turned 20 a few days ago, can finally legally join others for beer. But because of his asthma, he’s only taking a few small sips from a small glass.

“How is it?”  
“It’s okay…”

Yuzuru whispers. He didn’t feel like coming at first but he also didn’t want to disappoint his friends back home. Daisuke is quiet for a few seconds before swinging his arm around the younger boy’s shoulder. Yuzuru has been quite throughout the entire competition and, in many people’s eyes, looking far from excited.

“Okay so he needs to rethink you guys’ relationship, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing you know. It’s better than not thinking at all.”

Seeing how Yuzuru remains motionless in his seat, Daisuke looks to Mao, who sits across the table from Yuzuru, and mouths: “Get over here.” 

Thinking an older sister figure like Mao will be a better person for Yuzuru to talk to right now, Daisuke gets up and lets Mao take his seat as he moves over to join Nobunari and others for some silly and loud conversations and games at the other side of the private VIP box. 

“Sorry for dragging you here, Yuzuru-kun.”

Mao says with a smile. Yuzuru shakes his head, responding with an apologetic smile too.

“No it’s not like that, Mao-chan. I love hanging with you guys but… I’m just not exactly in the mood now.”

Mao continues looking at Yuzuru’s face with concern.

“I was surprised with what happened but… I mean there must be a reason for him to act like that all of a sudden.”  
“I think it’s because of me… I haven’t been a good boyfriend, and I’ve never made him feel secure…”  
“What are you talking about?”

Yuzuru bites his bottom lip, nervously playing with the edge of the zabuton he’s currently sitting.

“…I…I was in love with someone else when we first started the relationship…”

 

\-------------------------------

 

Kanako has shifted her gaze toward Mao and Yuzuru’s direction for a few times already before moving over to sit with them, joining Mao and Yuzuru’s conversation mainly as a listener.

“I see, so a lot of things have happened… But the question is, do you love him now?”

Mao smiles when she sees Yuzuru firmly nodding his head.

“…Liar.”

Yuzuru’s light smile falters when looks straight up at the expressionless Kanako.  
Mao is confused too, and she doesn’t recall Kanako accusing anyone a liar before.

“Kanako-chan?”  
“I’m sorry Mao-chan but… Yuzuru-kun is not telling the truth.”

Kanako apologizes to her senpai before turning back to face Yuzuru.  
Yuzuru frowns at his best friend, also raising his voice and getting defensive although he has a gut feeling that Kanako knows something.

“Why? How can you call me a liar when you don’t know anything?!”  
“I fucking know more than you do!!! You idiot!!”

The very rare and sudden outburst coming from the usually sweet and bubbly Kanako has gotten the attention of everyone in the room. They turn around to see Yuzuru and Kanako glaring at each other, and surprised at the idea of these two actually fighting.

“Calm down you two, what’s happening?”

Not liking the way things are going, Nobunari decides to cut in between the two younger ones. But for the second time of the night, Kanako has ignored another senpai and keeping her gaze on Yuzuru.

“After Grand Prix Final, I saw Patrick-kun outside the hotel bar. He said that you guys were supposed to meet but you had some ‘last-minute stuffs’ so I hanged out with him… He was so nice, and gentleman enough to walk me back to my floor because it was late and he didn’t want me to walk alone. And then we saw you and Javier-kun together outside your room.”

Yuzuru’s eyes widen in shock, and Kanako, on the verge of tears, feels like she can’t bear holding back anymore.

“If you really love Patrick-kun…Why didn’t you tell Javier-kun THAT when he asked you if he still might be the love of your life??? WHY WERE YOU SILENT??!!”

Akiko walks up and hug the crying Kanako tightly, patting her hair.

“Kanako-chan…”  
“Patrick-kun told me not to tell anyone but… You should have seen how hurt he looked!! And I'm sure it wasn't the first time!!”  
“Shhh Kanako-chan it’s okay…”

Akiko and Tatsuki continue their attempt to comfort Kanako, whose face is now buried in Akiko’s shoulder. Yuzuru, on the other hand, closes his eyes tightly and with his head down. Mao rubs Yuzuru’s back in a soothing motion as the boy’s body is trembling from holding back the tears.

Daisuke squats down before Yuzuru, reaches out to give the younger boy’s shoulder a squeeze. 

“Hey… Do you want to talk to him?”  
“…He didn’t pick up…I, I already tried…” 

Yuzuru answers, his voice getting weak and he feels like he’s having some trouble breathing.

Letting out a sigh, Daisuke takes out his cell phone. Mao narrows her eyes as she sees Daisuke scrolling down the smartphone screen.

“What are you doing?”  
“Calling Patrick.”  
“WHAT? No I don’t think that's a good idea.”  
“The only one who can fix the problem is the one who created it. Not saying Patrick is the only person causing the problem but he is part of it.”

Daisuke didn’t switch his phone to speaker mode, but it’s loud enough for Yuzuru to know that the Canadian has picked up Daisuke’s call. He can hear his boyfriend’s voice, even though it sounds very far away.

 

_I shouldn’t have pushed you like that, I’m sorry Yuzu_  
 _Just let this one go and forget about it_  
 _I knew you weren’t ready to love me when you said yes, but I chose to go along with it because I just couldn’t hold back anymore_  
 _He’s worried about you, get back to the house_  
 _Yuzu, hand off please._

 

So many things are coming back to him at once, and it’s all because of the voice he misses so much and hasn’t heard for days.

“Yuzuru, are you okay?”

Nobunari’s voice brings Mao’s attention back to the boy sitting next to her and she’s immediately alarmed, because Yuzuru is in tears and breathing heavier at the same time.

“Take it easy and breath slower… Yuzuru-kun?....Yuzu--- Oh my god Yuzuru-kun!!!”

 

\-------------------------------

 

Surprised to see Daisuke’s name flashing on the phone and curious of the reason for the older Japanese skater’s call, Patrick stills answers it after staring at his phone for a while.

“Hello?”  
“Hey Patrick this is Daisuke. Sorry am I bothering you?”  
“No not at all, I woke up long time ago anyways. By the way, Merry Christmas.”  
“Merry Christmas to you too. Are you still in Michigan?”  
“No I’m back in Canada with my parents for the holiday, why?”  
“Oh it’s actually about ---- Oh damn it Yuzuru!!”

He can’t hear Daisuke’s voice anymore. All he can hear are voices of many people, they’re simultaneously talking and yelling in a language that he only knows a few words. The situation on the other side of the phone sounds very chaotic, and he keeps hearing Yuzuru’s name.

It’s making him very nervous, and then Daisuke finally picks up his phone again.

“Sorry Patrick, I gotta go!”  
“Daisuke! What’s going on?? Is it Yuzuru?”  
“It’s… chaotic now. I will let you know later. Bye!”

On the way to a family gathering with his parents, Patrick sits in the back seat with a heavy feeling on his heart. It’s suffocating, and he has the gut feeling that something bad is happening because Daisuke isn’t the type of person who panics. 

He’s usually not afraid of the unknown but when it has something to do with Yuzuru --- especially after what happened that day --- he finds himself scared. Patrick regrets the way he talked to Yuzuru that day, very much. He was upset about so many things and led his emotion took control, not to say he almost raped the boy who’s very dear to his heart.

He chose the worst way of dealing with the issue, when Yuzuru was most likely clueless about his anger.

A buzzing sound from his picket brings Patrick back to reality. He hurriedly takes out his phone to see a message from Daisuke.

 

“Sorry about earlier. Yuzuru fainted from asthma so we had to send him to hospital. Please call me when you have time to talk.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I didn't expect the story to trigger so much discussion!!! Thank you guys so much for reading it :)

To much of Patrick and everyone else’s relief, Yuzuru is fine and he can still skate competitively. He just needs to take medication, lots of rest and medical clearance from his doctor.

Patrick is now on the phone with Daisuke, checking for update on Yuzuru’s condition.

“Thanks Daisuke… Please let me know if there’s any update, okay?”

Upon hearing Patrick’s request, Daisuke gets quiet.

“Are you not coming to see him? There’s still time before Canada’s national event.”  
“…Did he tell you guys about what happened?”  
“You mean the day before he came back? Yeah, and honestly that was fucked up.”  
“Then you know my concern… I don’t know if he would want to see me.”

Daisuke isn’t sure what else to say when he hears the sigh from Patrick.

“...Alright, no one can force you so it’s up to you. He hasn’t been talking much since he woke up but… I know he misses you, just thought I should let you know that.”

With that, Daisuke hangs up the phone. For a while Patrick just stays in his bed and gazes at the photo of smiling Yuzuru in his phone until the phone starts ringing again.

This time, the international number is unfamiliar to Patrick.

“Hello?”  
“Hi is this Patrick?”  
“Yes, and may I ask who’s speaking?”  
“I’m Javier.”

Patrick sits straight up, clears his throat awkwardly.

“Oh hi there… Where did you get my number?”  
“I asked Brian. When are you going to Japan?”  
“Um, I’m not sure yet… You know, I have national event in early January too.”  
"How did he sound when you guys talk?"  
"...We haven't spoken to each other."

Javier frowns at the other side of the phone.

“What? So you’re not even--- Okay I get it, you think he hates you now so you’ll just play the ostrich syndrome, pretending there’s nothing you can do.”  
“You were there. You saw what I did to him and you saw how scared and hurtful he was! How can I imagine him wanting to see me after everything I’ve done and said?!” 

Rubbing his right temple, Javier swears to god that he would not be persuading this idiot whose brain is thick like rock if it weren’t for his dear friend Yuzuru.

“Remember what you told me that night in Chicago? You said that it wouldn’t make a difference if Yuzuru were a girl, and when you meet someone you just know that you want to take care of the person?”  
“Yes.”  
“At the time I really thought you were crazy, but then I gradually realized it. I felt it when I was with Yuzuru, and that’s when I understood what you meant. But I wouldn’t do that to hurt him and my girlfriend, and he made things very clear with me before I even said anything close to what I was feeling.”

Patrick stays silent, letting Javier continues speaking while clutching his phone tightly.

“I know he was in love with me when you asked him out. I know he’s done things that hurt your feeling, and I apologize for stepping out of line to make him question his feeling. But he chose you after all…didn’t he? Listen, the only reasons I haven’t jumped onto a plane to Japan are ONE: Brian working my ass off for European, and TWO: I’m only one of his friends. Think about that.”

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Yuzuru quietly stares out to the window of his ward. 

The last time he was hospitalized for asthma he was still a little kid, and then he has been careful with it ever since he began to train for competitions. He feels bad for making his friends and family worried, and luckily he only needs to stay in hospital for one more day. He still needs to discuss with Brian about whether he should go for Four Continents or wait and focus on World Championships, but for now his health is everything and he can go back to Sendai with his family tomorrow for some quality family time and welcome the new year.

 

_Tomorrow… is his birthday…_

 

The sound of knocking on the door brings Yuzuru out of his thought, and he turns around to see a smiling Kanako who’s hugging a bouquet of flower in one hand. His face brightens up when he sees the box Kanako holds up with her other hand.

“Yuzuru-kun! Look what I brought today!”  
“My favorite pudding!!”

Kanako hands a cup to Yuzuru after putting the rest in the refrigerator. Yuzuru glances at Kanako’s hand that’s also holding a cup of pudding.

“I’m telling Coach Yamada about the pudding you’re holding.”  
“But you’re eating too.”  
“I’m a patient.”  
“Yuzu~~~”

Yuzuru looks up at his pleading friend, and smiles.

“Just this once?”  
“Just this once.”  
“Okay fine, I won’t tell her.”

Feeling relieved, Kanako sits down to enjoy the pudding with Yuzuru. 

Of everyone who was at that VIP room that night, the one person who felt the most terrible was Kanako. She didn’t know that Yuzuru’s asthma can get this serious, so she’s been visiting the hospital frequently and doing as much as she could to help. She didn’t know what words could fix her friendship with Yuzuru, so she stayed quiet most of the time. 

Until one day when she was changing the flowers in the vase next to Yuzuru’s ward window, she felt Yuzuru pulling her arm from behind making her to turn around. They stare at each other for a little and then Yuzuru opens his arms, motioning for the slightly dumbstruck Kanako to come closer. Kanako hesitantly sat on the edge of Yuzuru’s bed and when she hugged Yuzuru and apologizing over and over again in his shoulder, she felt Yuzuru’s arms tighten around her.

Yuzuru didn’t feel like going back to go over the details and try to figure out who’s right at what part and who’s wrong at what part --- no one is perfect in this whole issue, everyone was blamed for something, and everyone was hurt in some way. 

A tight hug and a smile, that’s how Yuzuru wants to move on with his friends. He knew his friends had good intention and at the end of the day, he just knew that friends who’s like his family would be the ones holding his hand no matter what happened.

Kanako smiled too when Yuzuru kept the hug and two of them stayed where they were.

 

_Oh Yuzu… No wonder everyone loves you…_

 

\-----------------------------------

 

“Kanako-chan… Can I ask you something?”  
“Yeah, go ahead.”

Watching Kanako cleaning up the empty cups, Yuzuru carefully opens his mouth to speak.

“Do you like Patrick?”

Kanako freezes, looking at Yuzuru with wide eyes before quickly turning away to throw stuffs into the trash can.

“What?? No, no! Of course not!”  
“Really?”  
“I…”

Yuzuru’s questioning stare is getting into Kanako’s nerve. That’s the thing about childhood friends: You can never successfully hide secret from each other.

Kanako lets out a sigh, slumping her shoulders.

“Okay fine, a little.”  
“Just a little?”  
“Yes, just a little.”

Sitting back down next to Yuzuru and feeling slightly awkward this time, Kanako looks at Yuzuru who has a somewhat complicated smile on his face.

“Yuzuru-kun I… I’m sorry if this makes you upset. He’s been such a good boyfriend to you and I just kind of… Please just forget about it, okay?”

Yuzuru shakes his head, looking down at his Pooh plushie as he aimlessly plays with it.

“…Maybe you should talk to him more. He’s always dated girls so I’m sure he will appreciate it.”  
“Don’t say that. He’s your boyfriend and you’re my friend.”

Seeing that Yuzuru has gone back to his own world again, like what he’s been doing quite frequently during his hospital stay, Kanako quietly gets up, takes the empty vase and her flower and leaves Yuzuru’s room.

 

_Gosh what the hell was he saying…_

 

Kanako thinks to herself as she walks to the ladies’ restroom to get some water for the vase.

It’s true that she has taken a liking --- or even a little crush --- in Patrick’s gentleman manner, understanding and maturity, but it only means that she hopes to be with someone like Patrick one day. 

 

_But speaking of Patrick…_

 

Kanako wonders why Patrick hasn’t made any contact with Yuzuru, when the Canadian has been checking with Daisuke for Yuzuru’s condition from time to time. She overheard the conversation between Daisuke and Mao when the older girl asked if Patrick would visit anytime soon. She understands if Patrick is focusing on preparing for his national event, but there’s a gazillion ways for him to get in touch with Yuzuru personally even if he can’t make a trip here --- to let Yuzuru know that he cares, at least.

With a sigh, she picks up the vase now containing the new flowers and exits the ladies’ restroom. She turns around when she hears the nurses chitchatting down the hallway, and smiles widely when she sees Daisuke and Patrick walking toward her.

Daisuke has just picked up Patrick at the hotel, and Patrick wanted to see Yuzuru’s mother before coming to the hospital.

“Yumi… does Yuzuru’s dad know about us?”  
“We haven’t had the chance to tell him, but you don’t need to worry about that right now. Whatever problems you guys have, I’ll let you two handle it. You will take care of Yuzuru, right?”  
“Yes, Yumi. I will.”

The Japanese girl walks toward both men’s direction and they meet halfway.

“No wonder the nurses are fangirling.”  
“Shut it, Kanako-chan. Is Yuzuru awake?”  
“Yeah he is, and deep in thought about a special someone.”

Kanako replies to Daisuke's question while turning to Patrick, who responds with a smile too.


	12. Chapter 12

Yuzuru is speechless now, and all he can do is staring at Patrick who somehow shows up with Daisuke and Kanako. His two Japanese friends quickly leave his ward after making up random excuses, allowing the two to be alone.

“…May I sit over there?”

Unlike their first meeting after Sochi at the rink in Toronto, Patrick is the first to break the awkward silence this time. Coming back to reality, Yuzuru quickly nods and Patrick moves to take the chair next to Yuzuru’s bed. The Canadian takes a close look at the Japanese boy, who seems to be okay but still looking a bit tired compared to his usual self.

“How are you feeling? ”  
“I’m fine now…Patrick why are you here? What about the national?”

Hearing that Yuzuru has more concern for his training and has made that the first and foremost question, Patrick can’t help letting out a chuckle.

“Missing a day or two wouldn’t affect me at all. Yuzu, I…” 

Patrick pauses and carefully takes Yuzuru’s hand into his own, feeling the incredible softness that’s also slightly colder than usual. 

“Before I say anything else, I need to apologize to you first for what happened that day. I’m very sorry.”

Yuzuru blinks several times before swiftly shaking his head.

“No, I… it’s okay, I understand, Kanako already told me about it.”  
“It’s not okay, Yuzu, it’s not! No matter how upset I was, I shouldn’t force you like that and making you scared. I… I failed badly at handling the situation as well as my emotion.”

Throwing himself at Patrick, Yuzuru wraps his boyfriend’s neck with his arms.

“Please stop saying that… I’m really happy to see you here you know.”

Patrick holds onto Yuzuru’s waist, with a relieved smile on his face.

“I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to see me or hear from me,” Patrick says, feeling Yuzuru tightens his grip. “That’s why I acted like a coward, didn’t visit or contact you sooner… I’m sorry.”

Yuzuru buries his face into Patrick’s shoulder, taking into the other’s scent before letting go. He has his head down, whispering while nervously touching Patrick’s sleeves.

“…I want to apologize too… Kanako told me about what happened the night I canceled our meeting. I shouldn’t have lied to you and… I should have made things clear with Javier right there.”

Yuzuru gathers all the courage and looks up to Patrick’s face when he hasn’t heard any response from his older boyfriend, putting on a smile.

“Let’s have a fresh start for the new year, can we?”

The younger boy asks softly with a hope in his voice, searching for a positive feedback in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Yuzuru…listen…”

Patrick reaches out to caress Yuzuru’s cheeks.

“I love you so much but… I think we should focus on our own things for now.”

Yuzuru’s smile slowly fades as he takes in Patrick’s words, digesting and trying to persuade himself that Patrick isn’t saying what he thinks the other is saying.

“…So you’re breaking up with me.”  
“Yuzu, that’s not what I---”

Patrick tries to hold Yuzuru’s shoulders but the younger boy shakes his head while fighting with Patrick’s arms, refusing to let his older boyfriend takes control.

“That’s exactly what you mean and I don’t want it! I don’t want it to end this way! I said I’m sorry!”

Sensing that Yuzuru’s breathing is getting faster, Patrick immediately moves over to sit on Yuzuru’s bed and pulls him into a tight embrace with much power. 

“I can’t have you getting an asthma attack again Yuzu… Please, please calm down and listen to me, okay?”

Patrick kisses Yuzuru’s hair and rubs his back in a soothing motion, trying to stabilize the Japanese boy’s breathing. They stay in the position for a while even after Yuzuru’s breathing has gone back to normal.

“…Can’t we just let it go and forget about it? Like last time?”

Yuzuru’s whisper is more like a whimper now.

“No and I will tell you why…”  
“…Okay.”

Patrick relaxes his arms, letting them rest on Yuzuru’s waist while the younger boy putting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I know it sounds like a breakup when I said that, but I really didn’t mean it in a negative way. The past few months with you have been the best of my life… but I also realize that I’m becoming a smaller person.”  
“…Smaller person?”  
“You probably don’t feel it, but I do. I’m losing a lot of the qualities that make me a good person for you and I’m losing sight. You deserve someone with a bigger heart and who’s able to take in everything about you. I can’t see myself continuing this relationship with you pretending nothing happened after everything that literally happened… I just need some times to get back on my feet, and it has nothing to do with your past feeling for Javier so don’t you ever blame yourself for it.”

Yuzuru slowly releases himself from Patrick’s embrace. The only sound inside the ward is Yuzuru’s sniffing, and the trails of tears on the younger boy’s cheeks are stabbing in Patrick’s stomach. He gently wipes away those tears while telling himself that he cannot give it. If their relationship continues the way it’s been going, it’ll just be a cycle with similar problems happening over and over again, and both of them getting hurt over and over again.

“What about me? What do you want me to do?”

Yuzuru softly asks, still not looking at Patrick.

“You? Let me see…” 

Bringing Yuzuru’s face upward so he can see the other’s still-watery eyes, Patrick cups Yuzuru’s face in his hands and caressing it with his thumbs lovingly.

“Take good rest, heal yourself, cherish your family and friends, enjoy what the world has to offer you and… Oh yeah, go back being that skater who came out of nowhere two years ago, seemingly harmless and then just took that Olympic gold medal in front of my face. ‘The ace of Japan,’ that’s what they call you isn’t it?”

Patrick smirks lightly when he sees something in Yuzuru’s eyes: a glint that only can be seen in a competitor.

On the other hand, Yuzuru understands very well. He’s 20 years old now and he needs to be stronger as a man. He’s an Olympic gold medalist and world champion so he needs to be tougher as a competitor who’s now everyone’s target. Despite his cute and innocent appearance, he can’t have everyone protecting him and thinking for his best interest all the time. Not his mom, not Coach Brian, not Patrick, not Javier, not any of his friends on Team Japan.

Biting his bottom lip, Yuzuru nods.

“Okay, I promise you.”

This separation isn’t about who loves whom more, or who’s more at fault. It’s about him and Patrick both taking the time to focus on their own lives, becoming better people and --- hopefully --- meeting again.

Although he’s not feeling as horrible right now, Yuzuru is still disappointed that he’s not able to celebrate Patrick’s birthday, as the Canadian is flying back the next day and resume training.

“Oh well, there’s always the next birthday…” Patrick looks at Yuzuru with the usual smile of confidence on his face. “But before that, I better see you on the podium with me every time from now on.”  
“You bet I will.”

 

_If two parallel lines have intersected for the first time, they will meet again for the second time._

 

Patrick and Yuzuru both secretly think to themselves and they don’t even know why. But at the moment they don’t care, because they’re smiling at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fic probably seems like a a never ending thing for some people XD i think it'll be done in about 2 to 3 more chapters the most


	13. Chapter 13

_Falling in love, saying goodbye_  
 _With a vow that this is the last heartbreak_  
 _Even the cherry tree, swaying in the wind_  
 _Will eventually blossom_

 

“Hanyu-senshuu, congratulations on your back-to-back victory at World Championship!!!”  
“Thank you very much.”

Yuzuru politely thanks, answers questions from an overly excited Japanese reporter after winning his second gold medal at World Championship and politely bids the reporter goodbye. 

“Yuzuru-kun!”

He is walking back to his dressing room area when he turns around to see Kanako running toward him, and his polite smile turns to a more heartfelt one. 

“Congratulations, Yuzuru-kun! Mao and others are here too but they didn’t think it’s a good idea to come all at once, so they made me a representative.”  
“Thanks, good luck at the ladies event tomorrow too.”

Yuzuru smiles at his friend, who’s beaming up to him like there’s no tomorrow. 

“Hey Yuzu!”  
“Javier!”

The two friends/training mates/fellow medalists share a joyful embrace congratulating each other. Although Javier is in third place again this year, the scoring difference between Yuzuru and him is very small.

“So proud of you buddy, let’s go out and celebrate tonight. And no, Kanako you’re not coming because you have competition tomorrow.”  
“Not fair~”

Yuzuru just can’t help laughing when he sees these two somewhat bickering. He clears his throat.

“Thanks Javier, but aren’t you going to spend time with Cortney?”  
“She wants you to come, she hasn’t had the chance to hang out with you in a long time.”  
“But---”

Before Yuzuru can finish his sentence, he hears a voice all too familiar.

“Yuzuru.”  
“Hi Patrick…”

Javier and Kanako aren’t sure what reaction is better for them to give at the moment, as Yuzuru softly greets the smiling Patrick with much politeness. 

The Canadian, who wins silver this time, gives the Japanese a light, courtesy hug.

“Congratulations, that free skate was truly amazing and I couldn’t have done anything more.”  
“I was only a point in front you, anything could have happened this time and everything can be different next time.”

They both smile. Patrick then greets Kanako and Javier before turning back to leave without saying more. Yuzuru remains still for a while before turning back to see both of his friends looking at him, not knowing what to say because they know the current status of Patrick and Yuzuru’s relationship.

“Yuzuru-kun…”

Yuzuru blinks twice before flashing Kanako a reassuring smile, and turning to Javier.

“So where are you guys going later? Tell Cortney I’m in.”  
“…Oh, that’s awesome! I’m sure she’ll be very happy to see you.”

 

_Why have I suffered_  
 _Almost the same blows such countless times?_  
 _But even so, I'll probably fight again_  
 _That is one of life's mysteries_

 

\------------------------------------

 

Yuzuru finishes taking a shower after coming back from a celebration/catch up dinner with Javier and Cortney. Sitting down in his bed, Yuzuru lets his mind going back to what many have been saying about his free skate at the just-ended World Championship.

“The most outstanding, emotional performance ever by Yuzuru Hanyu” 

The commentators, the fans and the media praise for his growth and maturity as an Olympic gold medalist and now a two-time World champion, and they begin talking about what can they look forward to and expect from him next.  
What these people fail to realize --- Yuzuru thinks to himself --- is how much closely related are the music and the imagery to his own story, and how he pours his entire heart and soul into this program every single time.

That polite hug on back stage, their bodies touching side by side when Patrick steps onto his podium to stand next to him, and Patrick politely puts his hand very, very lightly on Yuzuru’s back as pose for a group photo of the medalists.

Yuzuru can almost hears his heart screaming something like a “Don't go” when Patrick pulls back his hand and leaves.

 

_I want to overcome the ceaseless pain in my chest_  
 _And become closer to you_  
 _I have wandered about once and returned_  
 _Always grasping for the blue sky_

 

Yuzuru is so deep in thought that he almost doesn’t hear his mother knocking loud and consistently on the door. Mrs. Hanyu’s face shows sign of relief when her son finally opens the door.

“My goodness, finally. What were you doing?”  
“I was… in shower. Mom where’s your key card?”

Mrs. Hanyu puts down her stuffs after coming back from a good but exhausting gathering with fellow skater moms. She’s been knocking on the door for a while, knowing Yuzuru should be in the room at this hour because she called him before leaving the party.

“I thought I have it but couldn’t find it anywhere. I was getting worried if something’s happened to you.”  
“Nothing is gonna happen to me, Mom. I’m 20 years old and I’m more than capable of taking care of myself at a hotel room.”

Putting down her jacket, Mrs. Hanyu looks at her son. She gently pulls him down to sit next to her.

“Are you really okay?”  
“Mom, what do you mean?”  
“For almost four months, all you do is training and you are so quiet when you’re not.”  
“And what’s wrong with that? I love skating and I’m a figure skater. I’m just doing my job and responsibility as a competitor, that’s what---”  
“---You promise Patrick, to make podium every time or even win every time.”

Yuzuru stares at his mother, who has just finished his sentence for him and is now smiling.

“Mom… About me and Patrick, it’s something we both agree on. We know it’s for the best, and it’s not like he cheated on me or broke my heart. I’m fine.”  
“I know, of course I know. You guys are both old enough to make decision like this, and it’s good to see you guys thinking about each other’s career and stuffs but…”

Raising his eyebrows, Yuzuru can feel the hesitation in his mother’s tone.

“But what?”

Mrs. Hanyu reaches out to lightly stroke Yuzuru’s left cheek.

“Nothing, just don’t be too hard on yourself. I want you to be happy. I understand he’s most likely trying to motivate you, but I’m sure he didn’t ask you to overlook that.”

 

_Let go the tension in your shoulders_  
 _So you can seal away the past somewhere_  
 _From here they're probably not too far_  
 _Sceneries you haven't even seen_

 

\------------------------------------

 

Yuzuru knows he’ll be the biggest liar in the world if he says that he doesn’t miss Patrick.  
After talking with his mother, the feeling is probably stronger as he stands next to the window, taking in the night view of Shanghai.

 

_Falling in love, saying goodbye_  
 _With a vow that today's the first good day_  
 _Everything, even the cherry tree, swaying in the wind_  
 _Softly reaches out toward you_

 

\------------------------------------

 

Members of Team Canada is playing cards at Kevin’s room. Scott looks to Patrick, who’s sitting next to him, holding onto his cards and staring out to the space.

“Patrick, it’s your turn.”  
“…Oh! I’m sorry.”

Finally coming back to his senses, Patrick hurriedly makes his move when Tessa lets out a sigh.

“Just go make up with him already if you miss him this much.”  
“I…I can’t, Tessa, at least not now.”  
“Why? I saw you talking to him today.”

Kevin asks with much puzzle. Everyone knows what’s going on and everyone knows who is Patrick desperately missing.

“Nothing, I’ve just been reading stuffs.”  
“About what?”  
“Acceptance of homosexuality in Japan, LGBT rights, you know…things like that. It’s... very different, comparing to Canada and U.S.”

The room is silent. 

Japan is a very group-oriented society, and most Japanese do not like people to be too different. As a country, Japan isn’t sure how to relate to gay people, so their solution is to not do so. Social conformity is paramount in Japan, and social conformity requires gay people to stay in closet. Although transgender people may legally change their gender if they have had sex reassignment surgery, gay rights --- including marriage --- receive very little political discussion.

“But--- That shouldn’t get in the way of what you guys want. If they adore his talent but can’t accept him for who he is, just bring him over to Canada or U.S.”

Kaetlyn says, not understanding why two people --- who obviously love each other --- have to be separated and not accepted just because they are both guys.

“Japan is his home, and I know how much he loves it. It’s where he was born, where he grew up, as well as all his family and friends. It’s where he will most likely begin his post-retirement career… I’m not taking those away from him just because of what I want... I don't want to make him choose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few more chapters! Probably two more? I'm still thinking about it because I get new ideas every once a while. The phrases in italics are English translation of Hikaru Utada's "Sakura Drops"


	14. Chapter 14

Patrick is out the whole day and his cell phone just has to die. When he finally gets home and begins charging his phone, that’s when he notices several miss calls from Yuzuru. After thinking about it for a while, Patrick decides to call back and then he hears a familiar voice that doesn’t belong to Yuzuru.

“Scott, why do you have Yuzuru’s phone?”  
“Why? Because he’s sleeping.”

Patrick frowns, not understanding the situation.

“…Where are you guys?”  
“My apartment, of course. Just a glass of wine and then he’s out. Hey, you do know that your little darling precious baby is sleeping on my couch right now.”

Scott is a great friend, but Patrick can feel the blood boiling inside of his body.

“Scott, I swear to god…”  
“I can send you a photo of him, do you want him with his shirt on or no?”

Right now, Tessa is glaring at Scott as she puts a blanket over the sleeping Japanese boy. Slapping on Scott’s shoulder, Meryl walks over and grabs Yuzuru’s phone away from Scott, who’s currently trying very hard to hold back laughter.

“You just stop teasing him!... Hey Patrick, this is Meryl.”

Not expecting to hear the Olympic-winning American ice dancer’s voice at all, Patrick is again very confused.

“Meryl what’s going on? Why is he at Scott’s place?”  
“Charlie and I came over for dinner when Yuzuru called Tessa from the airport, and Scott went to pick him up.”

_The airport…_

“Apparently his calls to you went directly to voicemail. He came to see you, silly lover boy.”  
“…So, you know?”  
“He talked enough to let Charlie and I know what was happening between you two, because all he talked about was you.”

Standing next to the couch, Meryl carefully hovers closer above Yuzuru without waking up the boy.

“Ahh~ Look at this innocent cute little face, this is what got you in the first place right?”

Patrick responds with a smile.

“Oh by the way, Scott was just messing with you earlier. Your boyfriend flew from Japan so he just fell asleep due to jetlag, we didn’t let him drink alcohol.”  
“Meryl, are you and Charlie leaving soon?”  
“Not sure, why?”  
“I don’t want to keep you guys up, so just tell Scott and Tessa that I’ll be there soon.”  
“Ok---”

Hearing a hang up sound as soon as she responds, Meryl stares at Yuzuru’s phone.

“He just hung up on me, without saying goodbye or thanks.”  
“Chill, at least he’s come to his senses fast. The faster the better.”

Charlie smiles, patting his dancing partner’s shoulder.  
Sitting on the floor with her back against the couch where Yuzuru is sleeping, Tessa smiles too but then she turns to Scott again with a stern look.

“That wasn’t funny, Scott.”  
“I’m sorry, but it’s just so… I don't know, it’s just funny to me that he’s making things so complicated than they really are. I know Patrick and he’s not like that, not when it comes to relationship.”

Tessa shrugs.

“Then it’s real, and that’s why he’s been… thinking about it too much.”  
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

 

\------------------------------

 

Yuzuru slowly opens his eyes.

 

_…Where am I?_

 

The pitch dark surrounding gives him panic attacks at first, but then he remembers talking with Tessa, Scott, Meryl and Charlie before gradually losing conscious.

 

_I must have fallen asleep… gosh what am I doing_

 

Yuzuru wants to turn on the light but accidentally kicks the corner of the livingroom table since he’s not familiar with his surrounding. The whimper of pain immediately wakes up Patrick, who’s sleeping on a smaller couch next to Yuzuru.

“Yuzuru?!”

Patrick runs to turn on the light before Yuzuru has a chance to react. He comes back to Yuzuru’s side, taking a closer look at the boy’s soft foot.

“You okay? Does it hurt?”  
“I…I’m fine, just kicked the corner over there… Patrick why are you here?”  
“I saw your miss calls… By the way, sorry that I missed your calls because my phone battery was dead the whole day and I couldn’t charge. Anyways, Scott answered your phone when I called so… that’s why I’m here. If you told me earlier that you’re coming, I could have picked you up.”

Patrick softly speaks to Yuzuru’s direction even though the younger boy isn’t looking at him, but looking down instead.

“…It’s not something I’ve been planning. I was at home in Japan and then I just…I know it’s not what we agreed on but, I just wanted to see you so badly...”

Before Yuzuru can say anything else, he finds himself suddenly being pulled into an embrace that’s both a familiar home and a strange place. His eyes widen when he feels Patrick kissing his cheek.

“Where were you gonna sleep tonight, if you didn’t fall asleep here?”

Yuzuru can now feel the warm heat of Patrick on his ear as the Canadian speaking next to him.

“…I booked hotel room, because I wasn’t sure what would you do.”  
“Let’s go to my apartment. I will pay whatever fees they charge you for not arriving and checking in, but I’m not letting you sleep at the hotel.” 

 

\----------------------------------

 

As soon as they arrive at Patrick’s apartment, Yuzuru asks for a shower first. One reason is that he just feels so gross after a 13-hour flight, another reason is to calm himself down. It’s been a while since the last time he visits Patrick’s place, and there are all kinds of emotions running through Yuzuru right now. 

Even though he doesn’t know what’s on Patrick’s mind. He doesn’t know whether Patrick wants to get back together, or whether Patrick wants to keep things the way they are. Either way, Yuzuru is relieved that Patrick seems to be happy about his visit, or else Patrick wouldn’t bring him to his apartment. 

“Patrick, I’m done with shower.”  
“Come here.”

It seems like Patrick has been sitting there for a while. Yuzuru tenses up a little as he walks over to sit down next to Patrick on the bed. Not liking the direction Yuzuru is looking, Patrick grabs Yuzuru’s shoulders --- gentle but with a bit of force --- and turn the younger boy around so they are facing each other.

“There, you’ve been avoiding my face the whole time today.”  
“…I’m sorry.”

Yuzuru lets out an apologetic smile. He’s just been having hard time looking at Patrick’s face, when in reality that’s why he flew all the way here --- to see Patrick.

“What do you want me to do, Yuzuru?”

Patrick softly asks.

“…Huh?”  
“Last time, you did what I asked you. This time… I’ll do what you want me to do.”

Lost in Patrick’s eyes, Yuzuru is trying very hard to say something. He has bottled up so much of his emotion since their separation, but he can’t manage to say a single word right now.

“I…”

Staring back at Yuzuru’s eyes, everything hidden behind the younger boy’s shell is making Patrick nervous too. His grip on Yuzuru’s shoulders tightens without him realizing it.

“Say it, Yuzu just say whatever is on your mind.”  
“…Come back.”

Yuzuru softly whispers, so soft that Patrick is afraid that he may hear it wrong.

“I want you to love me, come back to me. You know ever since that day at the hospital, I’ve done everything we agreed on. I’m spending so much more effort on practicing, and every day I feel like I’m doing just fine. But then when the nights come… I feel so empty and I can’t help it because you’re not there!”

When he’s being pulled into that familiar embrace again, Yuzuru’s body is still tensed but his emotion is finally released, crying his heart out in Patrick arms.

“…You probably don’t miss me and it’s not fair! You’re acting cool when I’m missing you every---!!!”

Patrick makes Yuzuru quiet with his own lips, and he can taste a bit of the saltiness of Yuzuru’s tears. The kiss was deep and hard that both of them are breathing heavily when they break the kiss.

“You’re dead wrong about me acting cool and not missing you. You know why I bring you here? Because I highly doubt that I’ll be satisfied with just kissing you, and I really don’t want to do more than kissing at other people’s house.”  
“Patrick…”  
“…But, only if you want me to.”

The love in Patrick’s eyes makes Yuzuru wants to cry all over again.

“Asshole…”

Flinging his arms around Patrick’s neck, Yuzuru crashes his lips into Patrick with much hunger. 

 

Yuzuru hates Patrick for making him feel this way, because those months of their separation feel like forever. But he loves everything else about this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahhh I can't wait to finish this thing XD Totally didn't expect it to get this long. Will try my best with the sex scene and epilogue.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the sex scene...I tried so please just bear with it ^^;;;  
> About the next chapter (epilogue), it will be about their life a few years later :)

Lying in Patrick’s bed, Yuzuru raises both arms as Patrick pulls off his T-shirt. His body shivers a little bit at the cold air but quickly warms up when Patrick, who’s also shirtless, carefully bends down without squashing Yuzuru entirely and wraps the younger’s body with his arms. 

Yuzuru sighs in contentment as Patrick kisses his neck and collarbone, their bare skins touching and bodies on top of one another perfectly. Running his hands across Patrick’s shoulder blade and wrapping around Patrick’s neck, Yuzuru’s fingers find their way up and tangle in Patrick’s hair. 

“Patrick.”  
“Hm?”  
“…I don’t think I’ve ever told you this but… I love you.”

Patrick looks up, staring into Yuzuru’s eyes before he begins kissing and nipping at Yuzuru’s lips. After a while Patrick runs his tongue on Yuzuru’s bottom lip, asking for permission. Yuzuru parts his teeth immediately and Patrick’s tongue expertly moves around the Japanese boy’s mouth. Unlike all their previous kisses, Yuzuru isn’t sure of the reason but feels like fireworks are exploding in his head as he pulls Patrick in closer.

Patrick continues trailing kisses across Yuzuru’s creamy skin, and Yuzuru softly moans as Patrick kisses down to his right nipple, licks it before capturing it in his mouth. He plays with it while Yuzuru’s body trembles lightly from the sensation, and he does the same thing when he moves to other nipple.

Yuzuru doesn’t even realize when did his sweatpants disappear, but he looks down just in time to see Patrick kissing his lower stomach and the tongue dancing extremely close. Yuzuru lets out a soft gasp as Patrick pulls down Yuzuru’s already soaked boxer. With the last piece of fabric gone, Yuzuru reaches down in an attempt to cover himself out of natural reflex of shyness. Patrick gently grabs Yuzuru’s hands away.

“Don’t hide it, let me look at you.”

Patrick smiles when Yuzuru turns his face away, the cheeks become stained with a pink blush. Yuzuru is beautiful, naked, unconsciously curling up his slender legs a little and shifting his body a little due to the uneasiness and nervousness under Patrick’s roaming gaze. Yuzuru is far more beautiful than anything he has ever imagined before, Patrick thinks to himself.

And he’s been waiting for it, far too long.

Patrick positions himself in between Yuzuru’s legs, and begins stroking Yuzuru’s crotch that is as soft as a baby’s skin.

“Yuzuru… My beautiful Yuzuru…” 

Patrick’s hands are quickly replaced with his mouth. He takes the head of Yuzuru’s cock into his mouth, flicking his tongue over and around it before taking the younger boy in further.

Yuzuru has never had sex before and even the number of times he masturbates is very few. He can feel the unknown desire and pleasure rising in him, and he can’t do anything about it besides moaning, arching his body and tearing at the pillowcase.

Patrick is now rubbing the boy’s penis against his palate and starts going up and down. Gradually losing his mind and himself in the wildest pleasures, Yuzuru can’t hold back anymore and he just happens to release quite some quantity of love juice into Patrick’s face when the Canadian pulls away his mouth with a soft ‘pop’.

For two seconds Patrick just stays there, surprised, before realizing what has just happened. On the other hand, the sight of his own semen dripping from Patrick’s face almost gives Yuzuru a heart attack. Yuzuru quickly gathers himself up, grabs the tissue box on the nightstand and carefully wipes Patrick’s face.

“I’m so sorry!”  
“Yuzu, it’s okay, it’s totally normal.”  
“But… your face is all sticky now…” 

Yuzuru’s voice is apologetic because he didn’t plan to do that, but that’s not the reason for his avoidance of eye contact with Patrick. He’s feeling super embarrassed, so embarrassed that he wish he can just dig a hole right here and jump in. When Patrick wraps Yuzuru in his embrace tightly though, Yuzuru’s body relaxes immediately as if Patrick has put a magic spell on him or something.

“Was it comfortable? Did you feel good?”

Buries his head deeper into the junction where Patrick’s shoulder and neck meet, Yuzuru shyly nods. 

“Good… so I guess it’s my turn now.”

Catching Yuzuru off guard, Patrick swiftly pushes forward making Yuzuru fall back onto the soft mattress and quickly undress whatever is left on himself. Patrick moves to kiss Yuzuru’s earlobe, licking up the curves of Yuzuru’s ear while his fingers poke and prod Yuzuru’s hole.

Yuzuru feels a shockwave going through his entirety from head to toe. The feeling of Patrick touching the most secretive part of his body gives him jolts and shivers. A complicated mixture of embarrassment, confusion and excitement, Yuzuru’s moans soon turn into louder screams when he feels Patrick inserting one finger into his tight entrance. It feels painful at first, but along with the odd sensation is a strange unwillingness to let go of his boyfriend’s intruding finger. 

As for Patrick, the feeling of Yuzuru’s muscles tightening around and warming his finger is incredible. He waits until Yuzuru seems to be more relaxed, and adds in a second finger to start stretching Yuzuru a bit more. He pushes his fingers deeper and begins searching for Yuzuru’s bundle of pleasure.

“Ahh!... Oh my, oh my god…I…Patrick!…”

Yuzuru grabs onto Patrick’s arms, he’s been pushed to the limit and he can’t handle it anymore.

“Just do it… hurry up please!”  
“Yuzu I… We’ll take it slow alright? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Despite his effort of holding onto that last string of conscious before he makes Yuzuru falling apart in his hands, Patrick’s body is burning with passion and lust so much that Patrick thinks he may be getting internal injury soon.

Yuzuru shakes his head, tightening his grip on Patrick’s arms. His voice is a mixture of breathy whine when he speaks, his moisture eyes half opened when they plead to Patrick whose fingers are still slowly moving inside Yuzuru’s body.

“Don’t worry about that! I… I want to be yours… Just take me please!” 

 

\-------------------------------

 

Patrick bends down a little to plant a kiss in Yuzuru’s hair.

It’s morning already, and his angel is sleeping peacefully in his chest. Yuzuru shifts a bit in his sleep, shortly before looking up to see Patrick looking at him too.

“Morning, princess.”  
“Princess is for girl, Patrick.”

Yuzuru’s smile turns into a pout, with his voice still sleepy.

“Haha sorry my bad. Morning, prince.” 

Patrick places a hand on Yuzuru’s lower back underneath the blanket.

“How are you feeling? Is anywhere hurting? I…I probably did too much, I’m sorry...”

Patrick asks, his voice full of concern. Their night was extremely passionate, so hot and so good to the point that he actually took Yuzuru’s body several times. Hoping he didn’t burden Yuzuru’s body too much during his first time, Patrick now feels like he should have held back last night.

It’s true that his body is still feeling funny when he tries to move. But Yuzuru smiles, extending his arms and motioning for Patrick to come closer. 

“I asked you to go ahead and I didn’t tell you to stop, right?… I love you and I trust you, you can do anything you want.”

Patrick swallows and takes a deep breath, slowly moving his hand down to Yuzuru’s soft hips.

“I don’t think that’s a smart thing to say… when you’re naked in my arms after a night of hot sex, hm?”

The husky, seductive voice and the feeling of Patrick gently groping his butt cheeks bring another shade of pinkish blush to Yuzuru’s face again. Patrick lets out a small laugh, withdrawing his hand away from Yuzuru’s body.

“Just kidding. I’m gonna get some wet towels to clean you up, just wait here and don’t force yourself to move as much.”

 

\-------------------------------

 

After cleaning and changing clothes, the pair leisurely stay in bed talking, enjoying the peacefulness and catching up the time they’ve missed. Facing Yuzuru, Patrick plays with the Japanese boy’s fingers when his mind goes to something more serious, something he’s been thinking for a while.

“Yuzu… does your dad and sister know about us?”  
“Saya knows and she’s supportive. I haven’t told my dad and I’m not sure if my mom has mentioned anything to him. Why?”  
“Just…I know this is not something commonly accepted among general public in Japan, so I think it will be a lot better for us to have his understanding. I want to meet your dad, if it’s possible.”

Yuzuru smiles, twirling his fingers with Patrick’s.

“He will understand. Although he’ll probably be surprised at first, he will eventually support me because that’s what my mom and my sister are already doing.”  
“Well, just in case he’s worried about what kind of dude has stolen his precious son, I want to be there explaining to him myself.”

Yuzuru moves in to kiss Patrick, this time with something on his own mind too.

“Patrick what about your parents?”

Unlike Patrick who has already developed a very good relationship with his mom, Yuzuru hasn’t met Patrick’s parents or heard anything about Patrick’s parents’ thought on their relationship. And that worries Yuzuru a little, giving him a sense of anxiety. Although Patrick was born and raised in Canada, his parents were immigrants from Hong Kong and he grew up in a family with Chinese heritage and value as a single child. 

Staring into Yuzuru’s eyes, Patrick knows exactly what Yuzuru is concerned about. He wraps his arms around Yuzuru, giving the younger boy a solid and firm embrace.

“I’m not gonna lie to you… I haven’t told them, and I honestly can’t predict their reaction. But don’t worry, it’s my responsibility to handle them.”

 

\-------------------------------

 

Sitting in the passenger seat of Patrick’s car, Yuzuru nervously grips onto the handles of the gift bag on his laps. Patrick glances at his boyfriend while waiting for the signal to turn green, and he can’t help smiling when he sees a very stiff-looking Yuzuru.

“Baby, you’re gonna make the bag all wrinkled.”  
“Oh my god!!!”  
“Relax, you don’t need to be so nervous.”

They are driving on the way to the house where Patrick’s parents live.  
Yuzuru is worried about the clothes he’s wearing today, worried about the gift he bought from Japan… How can he possibily not be nervous, Yuzuru thinks to himself. 

Even though Yuzuru doesn’t understand French, overhearing Patrick yelling on the phone was enough for Yuzuru to know that Patrick’s dad is strongly disapproved of their relationship and probably very angry about it. 

“Patrick I… I still don’t have a good feeling about this, are you sure it’s okay???”  
“Well I didn’t drag you here myself, my mom invited you.”  
“But! Your dad…”  
“You can forget about my dad for now, he left for business trip two days ago and that’s why my mom chose today. She wouldn’t make all these calculation if she didn’t want to see you… Ok here we are, that’s my parents’ house over there.”

Yuzuru can still hear his heart beating hard when he gets out of the car. Patrick walks around the car to stand in front of Yuzuru, squeezing the other’s shoulders.

“You okay?”  
“I’m sorry Patrick, it’s just… this is more nerve wracking than meeting the emperior of Japan, seriously.”  
“Just be yourself and it will be okay!... Hey look, that’s my mom.”

Smiling, Patrick waves at his mother’s direction. Yuzuru turns to see Mrs. Chan standing at the front gate entrance across the street, he can’t see her facial expression but she’s waving back at Patrick too. He quickly bows at her direction, even though he has no idea whether she can see it.

“Yuzu.”  
“Hm?”  
“Have a little bit more of trust in me and yourself, okay?”

Looking straight into Patrick’s eyes and taking a deep breath, Yuzuru reaches out to tug on Patrick’s fingers and Patrick is quick to grasp Yuzuru’s hand firmly.

“Okay, let’s go.”

 

And everything will just be alright.


	16. Eight Years Later, Pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patrick and Yuzuru's relationship several years later :) It's getting longer than I expected so I'll stop for now and continue the next part later.

**Toronto, March 2023**

When Javier and his wife Cortney return to Canada for her sick father, there’s a place Javier has been planning to go. Stepping into the clubhouse, Javier walks toward the ice rink where he can see a little girl and a man skating together. He stands on the side of the rink quietly for a while until the girl changes direction.

“Uncle Javi!”

Javier can’t help smiling as the girl’s voice echoes in the rink and her petite form skating toward his direction with much excitement.

“Long time no see, gorgeous.”  
“Did you see my skating? Daddy taught me new stuffs today!”  
“Yes I did and you were amazing!!”

The girl smiles at Javier like there’s no tomorrow, before turning to her dad who has just approached them.

“Daddy, can I stay longer today? Please~~~~?”  
“Just a little more, okay? You’ve had enough ice time for the day.”

Javier turns to look at his friend, who is still watching his daughter with a smile on his face as she goes back to the ice.

“So, I see the elite training for a future Olympian has started already.”  
“Nah, she’s just a 6-year-old doing what she likes.”  
“Olivia is extremely good for someone her age though, you should be proud.”  
“I am very proud of her. We’ll see what happen, as of right now we’ll just let her enjoy skating.”

The Spanish skater-turned-choreographer looks around.

“Where’s Patrick?”  
“He’s in a meeting with Brian and student.”

The person talking to Javier is none other than his longtime friend and former training partner Yuzuru. 

Time flies, Yuzuru will turn 29 in December. In the last 5 years, Yuzuru and Patrick have been living together in Toronto since their retirement and working under Brian as assistant coaches. Also in 2018, the couple got married and adopted the 1-year-old Olivia whose birth parents were British and Chinese. 

“How’s Japan? I remember you went back for a while, did Patrick and Olivia go with you?”  
“…Just me visiting my parents and sister. I didn’t stay for long anyways, so nothing much.”

If there’s one thing about Yuzuru that has changed throughout the years, it’s his reluctance talking about things close to his home country. Javier quietly looks at his friend.

“…Still not ready? Does it still hurt?”  
“Maybe a bit of both…”

Yuzuru answers softly.

 

\------------------------------------------

**Flashback, Japan**

After the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, Yuzuru and Patrick announce their retirement from competitive skating at their respective homes in Canada and Japan. It’s completely normal for athletes at age 23 and 27 to retire after major sporting events like Olympics, but the way they announce it has made everything slightly different.

With the support of their family and friends, Patrick and Yuzuru issue a joint statement announcing their retirement as well as their commitment to “continue their relationship as each other’s life companion and significant other.”

The news of two biggest rivals in men’s figure skating being a couple for the past years shakes up the world of sports, but the reaction is positive and supportive for the most parts. From fellow and former athletes, commentators to fans, most people praise the couple’s courage and offer congratulations and blessings. 

On the other hand, the uproar of Japan’s darling ice prince and Sendai’s hope and pride being the first athlete to come out with his sexuality and being in a relationship with another man is apparently too much for the country to handle. Whether it’s a hurtful or regretful comment posted online, reporters flashing with cameras, or even a silent look from stranger on the street, Yuzuru thinks he can handle attack and pressure of any kind.

Until he witnesses how the people he love are being dragged into this mess. People start questioning the possibility of Brian “influencing our beloved Hanyu-kun and turning him gay” and making assumption about Patrick. There are even tabloids and gossips going around about whether other male skaters like Daisuke and Tatsuki have felt anything “strange” when they are with him.

That’s when Yuzuru begins to lock himself in the room more often, when his asthma symptoms come back more frequently, when he becomes unable to sleep at night. He is scared of checking his text messages and e-mails too, making his friends worried.

Can’t bear seeing Yuzuru suffer anymore, Mrs. Hanyu tells Patrick on the phone that maybe it’s best for Yuzuru to leave Japan at least for now.

 

\------------------------------------------

 

**Flashback, Toronto**

With the help of his parents, Patrick is able to buy a new house in Toronto --- the city that Yuzuru feels comfortable and familiar, as well as the city they’ll be working at. After making the last round of checking throughout the house a day before Yuzuru’s arrival, Patrick steps out of the front door and sees Mr. Chan standing not far away. He pauses for a while before carefully walking up to the stubborn-looking older man.

“Dad.”  
“…What?”  
“I know I’ve been a disappointment, but…thank you for doing this for me.”

Mr. Chan stares at Patrick, then turns away to look at the house.

“Somewhere deep down, I still hope that one day you will have a wife and children.”  
“Dad, with all due respect I---”

The older man waives his hand to stop his son from talking.

“But if this is your decision --- and I know things aren’t easy for him now --- you better be god damn serious about it and don’t screw up.”

Glancing at his dumbstruck son one more time, Mr. Chan turns and walks back to his car. Although the older man is still not 100% happy about his son’s relationship, Patrick knows that his dad loves him unconditionally. 

 

\------------------------------

 

**Flashback, Sendai**

Yuzuru is in his room packing when he hears a knock on the door. His sister Saya comes into the room and sits down on the floor next to one of Yuzuru’s suitcases.

“Did you get everything you need?”  
“Yeah…”

Saya looks at her younger brother, who’s quietly putting his clothes into the suitcase and doesn’t look very excited.

“…Don’t tell me you were reading those bullshits on Internet again. They don’t know a thing about you.”  
“No… I just feel like I’m running away again like a selfish person… Last time I abandoned Sendai after the earthquake and tsunami, and this time… I’m leaving you guys in the mess here…”

Saya moves closer next to Yuzuru and links her arm with her younger brother’s.

“Except this time, you have a home and someone waiting for you over there… right?”

She hugs Yuzuru’s arm tighter when she hears a couple sniffing noise, trying to comfort and encourage her younger brother who’s been through so much.

“Nee-chan…”  
“Hm?”  
“I know mom and dad act like they are fine and I know they don’t want me to worry but… if people give them trouble, especially dad at his company… Please let me know, okay?”

Yuzuru tries to control his voice that’s already shaking.

“Don’t worry, they didn’t raise you to be a liar and they would hate it if you were dishonest about your feeling and ended up hurting those who matter. You’re successful in your field and you’re in a stable relationship. Just focus on making yourself a new life in Toronto with Patrick, and for everything else… just let it go for now.”

 

\------------------------------------------

 

**Flashback, Toronto**

Lying in bed, Yuzuru gently touches the ring on his finger, deep in thought. 

Patrick bought the ring a while ago when Yuzuru was still in Japan, and he asked for Yuzuru’s parents’ blessing before he proposed to Yuzuru the night he arrived. A few days later, they got married.

This is their first night together as a married couple, and Yuzuru finds his thought going back to a conversation he had with his dad earlier on the phone. Yuzuru tells his dad how he feels Patrick has done so much for him, and he doesn’t know what he can do for Patrick for the same amount if not more.

 

_Yuzuru, you know very well that being a family is not about calculating how much the other person has done for you and how much you need to pay back the other person’s favor. It’s about placing the family as the most important thing to you, and contributing in your own way. There are things only you can do as the closest person to him._

 

Yuzuru is still deep in thought until he feels the mattress behind him sinking a little. An arm slides across Yuzuru’s thin waist, pulling him close to a warm and strong body and whispering to his ear.

“Hey.”  
“Excuse me, but I’m waiting for my husband.”  
“Yeah, funny.”

Yuzuru laughs when Patrick starts kissing his cheek and tickling on his side. He pushes Patrick backward a little before turning around. Patrick pulls Yuzuru in once again as they are now in bed face to face.

“Do you like the ring?”  
“Yeah I like it… Thank you, for everything.”

The two share a sweet kiss and their noses still touching, feeling each other's heat even when they break apart. Patrick watches in amusement as Yuzuru moves to position himself above him. With one of his knees on either side of Patrick’s body, Yuzuru lightly sits on Patrick and begins to slowly unbutton his silk pajama while looking straight back at Patrick.

“Someone is different today.”  
“And tonight is a good day for something a little different, isn’t it?”

Yuzuru smiles, his voice as soft as the sound of his pajama being tossed to the side. Yuzuru is indeed different today. The normally innocent angel with a hint of seductive devil, Patrick can’t decide which one he likes more so he will go ahead to love both, and he will love even more when Yuzuru is combining two in one.

After another passionate round of love making, Yuzuru lays in bed with his back facing up, panting and catching his breath. Patrick leans down and begins to slowly kiss away the sweat on Yuzuru’s flawless back.

“Yuzu, do you remember the first time we made love, you asked me how was it and did I like it?”  
“Mm hm.”

The exhausted Yuzuru answers lazily, enjoying the sensation of Patrick’s fingers lingering along his spine.

“And I told you how I didn’t like the question and I didn’t feel like answering it. I said that instead of how much did I enjoy the sex, I was more grateful for the fact that I was able to be that close to you and to do all those things with you. Remember?”  
“Yeah…”

Patrick licks the bottom end of Yuzuru’s spine, and his hands lightly grasp on Yuzuru’s butt cheeks as if he's afraid to break them.

“…Just so you know I still feel that way right now, and I always will.”

Yuzuru hears himself letting out a soft gaspy-moan when he feels Patrick’s lips caressing and sucking on his butt cheeks. Closing his eyes, Yuzuru focuses himself on responding to the man who has given him more love and sense of security than he can possibly ask for.

Yuzuru still loves his country, although certain parts of the culture and the society’s values have hurt him this time. There will always be those kind of people, they can be anywhere at anytime, hurting him in anyway.

They can hurt him for all he care, Yuzuru thinks to himself, but he’s so determined to keep Patrick away from them. Patrick is his family now, and protecting his family is his responsibility.


	17. Eight Years Later, Pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the last chapter!!!!!! Thanks everyone for reading it. I probably won't be able to write the rest of this month due to work, but I will return with other story ideas sometimes later :)

Patrick walks into the master bedroom just in time to see Yuzuru speaking on the phone in Japanese. Yuzuru looks a bit troubled and frustrated, messing his hair and shaking his head as he speaks. His tone is stern and it’s clear that he’s trying not to raise the voice.

Although not as perfect as a native speaker, Patrick’s Japanese is now fluent enough for him to communicate with Yuzuru’s family without any problem, to read news articles in Japanese and to understand what Yuzuru is saying on the phone.

Especially when he knew about it before Yuzuru.

“Is it Shizuka calling for the summer camp?”

Yuzuru stares at Patrick with wide eyes the moment he puts down the phone.

“You knew about this?!”  
“She said that she’ll directly talk to you about it, she was only keeping me informed.”

Somehow the news of Yuzuru and Patrick’s 6-year-old daughter Olivia being a child genius in figure skating has reached Japan. A prestigious skating camp will be held during summer in Sendai this year, in which the participants have to go through some sort of selection process in order to get in. 

Olivia won’t need to go through the selection process because the Japan Skating Federation is inviting her, and the federation has given the tremendously difficult task of persuading Yuzuru to the 2006 gold medalist who’s also Yuzuru’s senpai in Sendai. 

Shizuka hates the federation for pushing the mission to her when she knows very well that Yuzuru won’t be happy because of what happened after Pyeongchang. Yuzuru, on the other hand, understands how difficult is his senpai’s position and he can’t be disrespectful, but he just can’t help frowning and feeling something boiling inside him.

“Why didn’t you just say no?”

Yuzuru whispers, sitting at the edge of the bed.

“…Honestly, because I don’t see a reason for that. You know how much Olivia wants to visit Japan, so doing her favorite figure skating at your home---”  
“My home is here, Patrick.”  
“…I’m sure she’ll be so excited that she won’t be able to sleep.”  
“AND THEN WHAT?? I left for a reason god damn it!!!”

The room is silent and Patrick is taken aback at Yuzuru’s outburst, which he hasn’t seen for years. Feeling defeated, Yuzuru falls back onto the bed with an arm cover his eyes and forehead. For a while, both of them stay at where they are.

“…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out at you like that…” 

Yuzuru’s voice is a bit shaky when Patrick comes to join him on the bed, reaching out to clasp their hands together.

“Don’t worry about it.”  
“… I don’t want to put her through that… she doesn’t deserve it…”

Patrick moves closer to Yuzuru so Yuzuru can wrap his arms around Patrick’s waist, burying his head.

“I know, I know... but you can’t protect her forever either. Even if she weren’t adopted, even if her parents were a man and a woman, she’ll have to face other things in her life eventually.”  
“…And I don’t want them to hurt you…When I saw what they wrote about you I just…”  
“Shhh calm down honey, they can’t hurt me at all. I understand that you’re upset, but… it’s been a long time and I’m sure things have changed at least a little.”

Yuzuru stays in Patrick’s embrace in silence, with Patrick gently stroking and kissing his hair. Patrick looks up to see Olivia holding her Pooh-san plushie at the door, seeming hesitant to enter the room.

“Come in, sweetie.”

Olivia nods, walking toward the bed upon Patrick’s request. Yuzuru hurriedly gathers himself as Olivia climbing onto the bed.

“Were you fighting? I wanted to say good night but I heard loud noises…”  
“Of course not, Papa and I were just talking about something.”

Yuzuru gives Olivia a reassuring smile, not wanting his daughter to worry.

“Talking about what?”  
“We’re thinking about visiting Japan this year, all three of us together.”

Patrick cuts in before Yuzuru is able to make up random excuse, causing Yuzuru to look at Patrick in shock.

“PATRICK!!”  
“REALLY??? When, when, when are we going???”

Still holding her Pooh-san plushie, Olivia jumps on the bed up and down like Christmas has just arrived.

“Sometimes during summer, you’ll be going to a figure skating summer camp in Daddy’s home city Sendai.”  
“YES!!!!!”

After Olivia has skipped out of the master bedroom singing, the expressionless Yuzuru glances at Patrick before getting off the bed without a word. Patrick quickly follows and hugs Yuzuru from behind.

“…How can you just decide it like that?”

Yuzuru murmurs, feeling Patrick tightens the grip around him.

“But look at how excited she was! And I know you love Japan, and I know you’d want us there with you some days.”  
“……”  
“We’ll all go together and I’ll bring here back here if things don’t work out. But all I’m asking you is to relax and give it a try…”

 

\-------------------------------

 

Yuzuru gently pushes open the door of Olivia’s room. With the Pooh-san plushie next to her, Olivia sits in her bed flipping through a giant picture book of Japan that was given to her by Auntie Mao as a present. 

“Olivia, bed time.”  
“Okay.”

Olivia answers and flips to the next page, not even bothered to look up. Yuzuru smiles, knowing how concentrated Olivia can get when she’s doing something she enjoys. He walks over to sit next his daughter, who’s currently looking at a photo of the snow-covered Mount Fuji.

“Honey…”  
“Hm?”  
“Why do you want to go to Japan so badly?”

Olivia turns and looks up to her dad, blinking with puzzled.

“Why not?”  
“Because… Well, it’s not that I don’t allow you to go but… It’s a much different place and I don’t know if you’re ready… I just don’t want you to feel hurt, or being treated differently.”

Yuzuru whispers, gently stroking Olivia’s hair.

“Different… because I have two dads?”  
“…Yeah.”

Olivia looks away, closing the book and picking up another one with pictures of Sendai and given by Yuzuru’s parents. She begins to flip the pages again, quietly as if Yuzuru isn’t there.

“…Olivia?”

Feeling a bit worried, Yuzuru softly calls out to the girl.

“But you are my favorite person in the world besides Papa, though.”

Yuzuru stares at Olivia who has her head tilted upward facing her dad. On that little face are innocence and determination.

“Auntie Kanako always tells me stories and how beautiful those places are when colors change with seasons. You have the most beautiful skating, so… I just want to see all the things that have made you beautiful.”

Lost of words, all Yuzuru can do is to hug Olivia tightly and he also feels his closed eyes getting warm.  
He hears Olivia calling “Papa~~~~~”, and very soon he feels a strong hand making comforting circle on his back.

He has never cried in front of his daughter, but at the moment he doesn’t care.

 

\-------------------------------

 

**Sendai Airport, Late June 2023**

“Hey… is that Hanyu-senshuu?”  
“Oh my god and Chan-senshuu is over there too! Is that girl the daughter?”

Only a couple minutes walking at Sendai Airport, Yuzuru already feels uncomfortable and he unconsciously squeezes Olivia’s hand too tightly when he senses other people’s curious stares and whispers. 

“…Ouch! Too tight Daddy…”  
“Oh I’m sorry honey…”

Yuzuru smiles apologetically at Olivia, loosening his overly tight grip. The family of three makes their way through the custom and picks up their suitcases quickly, and part of the reason being Yuzuru doesn’t feel like staying at one place for too long. They are waiting for Saya to pick them up and despite numerous attempts by Patrick telling Yuzuru to relax, the anxious Japanese man curses his sister silently for making them wait and getting attention from people.

“Excuse me… Hanyu-san?”  
“Yes?”

Yuzuru turns to see a young woman in her mid-20s. He politely answers with a small smile but has his guard up.

“I’m sorry for interrupting…I’ve been a fan of yours since high school, may I have an autograph?”  
“Oh, sure.”

Taking the notepad from the woman, Yuzuru signs it and returns to the woman. To his surprise, the woman then hands the notepad to Patrick.

“Chan-san please signs it too.”

Looking surprised at first, Patrick blinks twice before taking the notepad from the woman with his signature smile. He signs his autograph next to Yuzuru’s, adds “To Nozomi” on the top left-hand corner when he asks for the woman’s name when they make small conversation.

“Chan-san, your Japanese is amazing…”  
“No I’m still learning, but thank you very much~ When did you start watching figure skating?”  
“Sochi Winter Olympics, it’s the most memorable Olympics for me. Ever.”  
“I see.”

When Patrick hands the notepad back to the woman, the quiet Yuzuru finally speaks again.

“Thank you, Nozomi-san.”

The woman, holding the notepad in front of her chest, looks at the former Japanese figure skating ace for a while, contemplating the meaning behind Yuzuru’s words before giving an understanding smile. She waves at Olivia, bows at the couple before returning to her friends.

“See? I told you it will be okay.”

Patrick steps in closer to Yuzuru, who looks more relaxed now, gently stroking Yuzuru’s cheek and whispering softly after they bid the woman goodbye. Not used to the idea of public display of affection in Japan, Yuzuru pushes away Patrick’s hand. 

“Don’t--- Patrick not here.”  
“Oh come on~ no need to be so shy about it.”  
“Shut up, I’m not. We’re in Sendai now, not Toronto.”

When Patrick is looking for words to tease Yuzuru more, a little and joyful voice jumps in.

“Daddy’s face is pink!”

Yuzuru looks down to Olivia with a dumbstruck face, and Patrick can’t help laughing out loud.

“I am not!! Oh seriously what am I gonna do with you two…”

 

_Sochi Winter Olympics, it’s the most memorable Olympics for me. Ever._

 

Nine years ago, he was a boy who knew nothing but figure skating, and Patrick saw him as nothing but an obstacle.  
Who would have thought that they will end up where they are today?

Olivia runs into Auntie Saya’s embrace and Saya’s husband reaches out to shake hands with Patrick, both men happily greeting each other.

Standing at some distance away, Yuzuru feels his eyes are getting warm again, but he doesn’t want to show that emotion to people yet. Not here, not with Patrick looking back at him and Olivia yelling “Daddy!! Hurry up!!”

Yuzuru smiles --- probably one of the biggest in the last couple weeks --- before making his way to his family.

 

_Sochi Winter Olympics, the most memorable Olympics ever indeed._


End file.
